Monday, December 02, 2013

Thanksgiving 2013


The week before had been the worst yet, but often it is those seemingly impossible moments that make the unexpected sweet moments, even sweeter.

Before Kyle had even deployed, we knew that there was a chaplain and his wife who were stationed at the same base. We were thankful that Kyle would at least know a friendly face as he embarked on his deployment. As the days began to get closer to his departure, one of our friends suggested that I go stay with this family and visit Kyle. After they delightfully agreed to be my host, we were excited for this plan that had potential to make this deployment not seem like the end of life, as we knew it. Kyle left and life was hard, but we were able to use our Apple® hardware to stay in brief contact usually twice a day. We were “over the moon” when we actually got to “see each other’s faces” once a week during his day off. While this was not the way we envisioned spending half of our last year in Germany, it felt “manageable”. We were both much more heavily steeped in the Word and learning to rely more heavily on God and not each other (or ourselves).

The week before my visit was when everything just seemed to implode around us. Without going into details, we both were in very difficult situations, some personal and some with work. Our time of brief connection always seemed to overlap a meeting or Kyle’s sleep time (as he works overnights). I began to feel like I was drowning and how did this happen so fast? The night before I was hopping on a plane in hopes of visiting my husband who had been gone for the last six weeks, I began to think, “I may get down there and not even get to see him.” This was a real possibility. He had learned that his career field was not going to receive Thanksgiving or Christmas off. They were going to be regular workdays. That just seemed to suck the life out of Kyle, and in turn- me.
After several plane rides, I arrived in my first experience with a Middle Eastern country. There are many things I could tell you about that, but suffice it to say, I was very thankful to have such wonderful and knowledgeable hosts! When we arrived at their villa, I let Kyle know that I arrived. He immediately responded that they had been given the day of Thanksgiving off, but he was not allowed to leave base (because that requires paperwork that has been submitted and signed at least 72 hours in advance). What a bummer that I was finally here, so close, and I would still be celebrating Thanksgiving without him. However, we both praised the Lord that he had been given the day off! We enjoyed an hour of so of just chatting, since we had the freedom to do so. It was so fun, until he received a knock at his door. A coworker delivered an ominous email from his Chief that he was to report to his Chief’s office first thing in the morning. The mood was gone as Kyle began to rehearse the possibilities of this unexpected meeting. We prayed together and he agreed to text me the results in the morning.
Another time zone, multiple flights, an emotional week and staying up late talking to my husband made it a difficult morning to get out of bed. After my morning routine, I went to check my messages and I had received nothing. I wasn’t sure if I should be concerned or excited. Either way, I knew I would talk to him eventually…maybe he was still at work. People began to arrive to prepare the last minute details of our Thanksgiving feast, one of who was a friend from Ramstein. It was fun to exchange hugs and a familiarity that made it feel like I had family there for Thanksgiving. We chatted and waited for others to arrive. As the Chaplain walked in the door, I was floored to see Kyle right behind him. I didn’t know whether to squeal, run, cry or squeeze him ‘til there was nothing left. I opted for a little of each.
It will be a Thanksgiving to remember. As we sat around the table with people from all over the US and Sri Lanka, I thought about their families at home wishing they were there with them, and how incredibly thankful I was to be sitting there next to my deployed husband. He has gone back to work tonight, and I miss him already. As my dear, sweet, Kyle said, “No one can take away these precious hours we have had.” I don’t know if I will get to visit with him again during my time here, but I can’t help but be thankful.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

My Weird Day

Today has been a weird day. For a couple of reasons actually...it's been over 24 hours since I said "goodbye" to Kyle. Even though we have only been married for two years, it's really strange to not have him come home after work. I didn't realize how much I looked forward to that each day. The "missing" is a moment by moment thing, but the prayers of so many have been carrying me through these strange and difficult times. Thank you.

It's also a weird day, because it's the official "Don't speed in Germany day", or at least that's what I like to call it. Today, the Polizei have speed traps all over our area, and they are also pulling people over to check that they have winter tires on and such. If you are pulled over and receive a fine, you are expected to pay in cash, on the spot. I had a friend who said they knew someone who was pulled over and did not have cash, and a Polizei escorted them to an ATM. How weird is that? Anyway, it's been a quite pleasant day to drive on the road...only a few stupid people riding my tail, trying to pass me because I'm going the speed limit. As well as, everyone in general just seemed to drive better. It's quite a funny thing. I'm sure tomorrow will go back to the normal, crazy driving habits and people going 70 in the 50 desperately trying to pass me for driving the posted limit. Honestly, it reminds me a bit of how us Christians like to live sometimes. Occassionally, a sermon or time in the Word will remind us of how we should be living, and we consciously live the way we're called to live. Then, we become careless, or too busy- that doesn't really apply to me, 'cause I mean well. God will understand. Why is it we're so good at following the law when we know there are consequences, but we don't really care if we think we can get away with it? We're human, I know...but I think there is more under the surface of this question.

Thoughts like this really do make me miss Kyle. He is my answer man. Honestly, he's more like a human commentary. :) Guess I'll have to do more thinking on my own. Boy, this growing thing can be challenging!

Wednesday, September 04, 2013

My Rear View Mirror

If there is one thing I really miss about living in the states, it would be Christian radio. Today is one of those perfect days where the sun is shining and the sky is blue without a trace of clouds to be seen. I love to worship behind the steering wheel because I can't help but worship with encouraging lyrics filling my ears and beautiful scenery capturing my eyes! Today, I have been listening to Francesca Battestelli's "Paper Heart" which seems to poignantly capture my fragile emotions while reminding me Who is really my Strength.

During my worship drive home from an appointment, I suddenly found myself in a slow-moving sandwich. A huge cemi-truck in front of me and a tiny slow-moving car behind me, and there I remained for the majority of my drive. We've all been there as we realize that twenty cars piled up behind the slow-moving car are going to pass him while you sit there helpless until they all pass you too. As I began to watch the traffic behind me, I suddenly realized I was watching behind me more than in front of me. "Whew! I better be careful. That's not safe.", I thought to myself. Then I realized just how true that statement was. Often times when I get stuck in situation where I feel trapped, I panic and start looking for a way out. In front of me is something SO big that I can't see around it, so I start looking behind me and forget to even look forward. I remember an illustration I heard in Sunday school once...your rear view mirror is smaller than your windshield because you're supposed to spend the majority of your time looking forward- not behind. Can you imagine if your windshield was the size of your rear view mirror and your rear view mirror the size of your windshield? I imagine there would be a lot more accidents.

Vines dictionary defines "Perseverance" as  to stay at or with, to tarry still, still to abide, to continue, remain.
I love how God uses every day things to remind me to persevere. Perseverance is to remain where I am, under the load that I feel and to not seek a way out from under it. Perseverance is to know that my future is SO big I can't see around it, but My God is bigger and He will make a way. Looking in the past can be a dangerous place to live both literally and figuratively.

Philippians 3:13, "Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,"

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Waiting Until the Right Time

I've begun to notice that I avoid blogging or posting of any kind when things are hard. I want to write about the happy stuff, the encouraging and funny stuff...not the "I didn't know it could hurt this much" stuff. This last week has been hard. Really hard. In typical Mel form, I avoided posting, emailing, etc. I just wanted to spend some time with God and tell Him how much life was hurting right now. That being said, we had some wonderful talks. The hurt continues, but at least I feel a little more free to be open.

Thank you to the many of you who reached out to me as I expressed my sadness regarding Kyle's upcoming deployment. It was so amazing and refreshing to see how God always gives me just what I need when I need it. It's so silly that I continue to be amazed at God being God, but I guess that's just my human perspective that can't fully wrap my head around Who He is. :)

One of the projects that I've recently brought back to the front burner is organizing my college papers and random resources that I've collected through the years. I have several boxes and plenty of computer files that really aren't serving me any purpose except taking up space...so, I've begun slowly tackling the files. As I was going through some random sermon notes and outlines, I stumbled on some notes from a workshop I took with PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel) entitled "Perseverance 101: Who is this God Who Sent My Spouse Away on Deployment?" When I took it back in 2007, it was because I felt that I needed some perseverance and it couldn't hurt to have a little more insight into the military world. I haven't looked at that material again until now and how who would have ever thought I would be one of those wives needing encouragement??? God did.

This week Kyle started back on the day shift- I think that will be a huge help to our schedule and our marriage. We still have lots of paperwork to do in preparation, things like "Power of Attorneys", "wills", and ordering firewood and oil for the winter. It's a little overwhelming at times, but at least it keeps our minds busy?

We are seeking to stay active in our local community...having friends over to play nerdy games, babysitting, worship practice, small groups, etc. I don't know how folks make it without the support of others. So, THANK YOU to the many of you out there who love us and aren't afraid to let us know. We are so thankful for a God Who loves us, holds us close and blesses us with people to be His hands and feet.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

It's Really Happening

It was Thursday. We were leaving for our vacation on Friday. Preparations were in full swing: laundry, packing, taking out the trash, watering plants, etc. I went to bed feeling pretty ready for our trip. I did my best not to let those thoughts of last minute items slip into my mind and keep sleep from my weary body. "How I need this vacation!", I thought to myself. "How we need this vacation.", I corrected myself. As Kyle got home from work around 7:30am, I was hurriedly trying to get our luggage to the door. I was focused on our trip, on details like if we packed the GPS when Kyle asked me, "Hey! Guess what I got at work today?". I distractedly said, "I don't know- what?" "My deployment paperwork." Everything stopped. I fought to look unaffected and to keep the tears from my eyes. It's really happening. He is really leaving. Even now it is impossible to keep the tears from running down my cheeks, but I wanted to be brave. I wanted to be a good wife and support my husband as he does his job well and does his part to protect our beloved country. "I guess our vacation is good timing.", I responded thinking, "I can put this off for another ten days."

Unfortunately, the vacation is over. The week after we returned was very difficult for me. I cried every day for one reason or another. As I write this, Kyle is in his deployment training where they make sure all his paperwork is in order (will, power of attorney, etc.) and tell him what he needs to bring with him. It's really happening. I know there are many women and families who have done this before us, but that doesn't change the reality for me right now and my family. When we got married, we knew that deployment would most likely be soon. We have managed a year and a half and now it is time.

Kyle and I married later in life and spent much of our first year and a half together learning how to be united as a couple. We have been learning how to release our selfishness for the sake of the other and how to live our lives as one instead of two. As romantic as movies and books make this sound- it is hard work! Totally worth it, but hard nonetheless. Now, as we face deployment we are thinking through the process of how do we remain as one despite the distance and our different lives? How do we not live as if we are single again? How do I honor my spouse through this process?

I share these thoughts mainly because it helps to say them aloud, but also to offer a window into the life of a military family. We both have people in our lives who are wonderful support and encouragers. Kyle actually knows multiple friends/family who will be deployed to the same base at the same time! Yeah, God! We know that God knows each day that we have and we trust Him with them. We are thankful for the opportunity to be stretched and challenged, but we are also grieving the loss of time not spent together. Thanks for your prayers as we embark on this new journey.

Wednesday, August 07, 2013

Home Where I Belong

Today as I was driving, I passed over a newly paved road. It sparkled- literally! It reminded me of roads we used to drive on as a kid when I had first discovered mica in the mountains of Colorado. It was so beautiful and sparkly that I was just sure it was valuable, and then my Dad told me they mixed it in with the roads in the mountains and that's why the roads sparkled. Well, one cannot stare at sparkly roads without daydreaming about Heaven with it's golden roads and all!

I used to daydream about Heaven a lot...I haven't done that in a while. I've read books and heard sermons and even done a little research of my own, but the bottom line is that it is beyond our understanding, comprehension and anything we can imagine. So, I think that's a free ticket to let your imagination run wild! I even remember a beloved professor speaking about Heaven and how he had studied and studied the subject. When they're family pet died, their son was looking for consolation that their pet would be with them in Heaven. He regretfully informed His son, "I'm sorry, but there are no animals in Heaven." Later, his son asked him about the white horse Jesus would be on when He came back and he found himself speechless. I'm not saying we can't know what to expect or that we shouldn't even study the matter, because I applaud studies. I'm just saying, take a moment to let your imagination run wild and relish in the home God has prepared for you if you have believed and accepted Him.

Here are some lyrics from one of my favorite Heaven songs:

Home Where I Belong by BJ Thomas
They say that heaven's pretty
And living here is too
But if they said that I
would have to choose between the two
I'd go home, going home, where I belong

And sometimes when I'm dreaming
It comes as no surprise
That if you look and see
The homesick feeling in my eyes
I'm going home, going home, where I belong

While I'm here I'll serve him gladly
And sing him all my songs
I'm here, but not for long
And when I'm feeling lonely
And when I'm feeling blue
It's such a joy to know that
I am only passing through

I'm headed home, going home, where I belong

And one day I'll be sleeping,
When death knocks on my door
And I'll awake and find that
I'm not homesick anymore
I'll be home, going home, where I belong

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

What a mess!

Do you ever just feel like a mess? Yesterday I went to take a drink and something felt weird in my mouth. Maybe even moving? I immediately spit it out all over the floor to discover a live silverfish was in my drink. Even hours later it still felt like there was a bug in my mouth! Last night I did not fall asleep until about 2am and that was with the aid of a Benadryl. Today when I got home, I dropped my keys in a pile of ashes (we use them on our garden) and it acted like quicksand- immediately relegating the keys somewhere to the bottom of the pile. I finally get in the house to discover we are accumulating fruit flies all over our house again! What a mess!

Last night when I couldn't sleep, I started reading a book I've had for a while called "Messy". I read a few chapters and while I'm not sure I could endorse the book, I agree with the premise that life is messy. It talks specifically about how Christians try to hide or clean up the mess for fear that it make us look bad as people or as Christians. Then he said something that really made me think...
"We just can't seem to get it all right. But what if the mess is holy? What if the mess is the way it's all supposed to be? What if the mess is not something to 'fix'?"
Right now my life feels really messy. I feel like I am falling short in so many areas of my life. So, what does it look like to find holiness amidst the mess? The idea of the mess being holy offers such hope and grace- both characteristics of God. However, I've come to know God as a God of order- not chaos. Are both somehow true? Obviously, this is a thought in process, but I'd love to hear your thoughts too.

Monday, July 01, 2013

Life-Changing Moments

There are moments in life that will forever change the way you look at the rest of your life…for me some of those moments include being in a car accident, getting married, moving overseas, assisting in the birth of a child, 9-11, and the death of my Grandma.

It happened quite suddenly, Grandma had open-heart surgery on Monday and was recovering quite well. On Saturday, I received the call that the Dr. only gave her hours to live. Living in Germany meant there was no way that I could physically be there to say "Goodbye". Words can't express how hard that was for me.

Anyone who has had the privilege of knowing their Grandparents, probably have many wonderful memories with them. I am no different. Memories of dresses and curtains she made for me, putting curlers in her hair for a payment of $.25, spending the week at Grandma's while I recovered from the chickenpox and that horrible blind date she set me up on because she was so worried I would never get married. My Grandma and I had a different bond because she was my fill-in-mom. My mom left when I was 7, and Grandma came to live with us during the week and went home to be with Grandpa on the weekends. She taught me lots of things, but most importantly she always pointed me to Jesus as the answer to all of my questions. Just like any mother/daughter relationship we didn't always see eye to eye, but I knew she loved me and was proud of me.

I will never forget her words to me before my wedding. "Melissa, I'm so proud of you. I always knew there was something extra special about you."  My biggest disappointment is that I was sick during her funeral and was unable to sing as she requested. I know she would understand, but it still makes me sad.

I am so thankful for a Grandma who loved Jesus and wasn't afraid to share Him with others. I will treasure her memory always and my life will never be the same here without her. I look forward to seeing her again someday.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Hobbies: A Waste of Time or Another Spiritual Lesson?

I've always enjoyed crafting. Even as a kid, I would sit and look through our activity and project books to see if we had all the supplies for a particular craft. There's something about being creative that is so satisfying. I imagine that's God sharing a little bit of His creativity with me. Think about that for a moment...by engaging in hobbies like crafting, cooking, gardening, etc., we get a little taste of God as the Creator of the Universe. That's pretty cool!

Pinterest. I love it. It's been a really fun way for me to try new recipes, explore new ideas of design, craftiness and party planning. It seems like there is a bulletin board for just about everything these days. I know some people view it as another online time waster, and I'm sure I've wasted a few hours away pinning. I guess I put it in the same category as Facebook- it's all in how you use it.

Pinterest has introduced me to the world of food bloggers and so many new recipes that one could argue I could never make them all. Although, I have to admit, I have tried a LOT of new recipes (most of them keepers, by the way). Currently, I have Thai Chicken in the crockpot and just last night we had a fantastic Chicken Pot Pie!

My other hobby as of late has been gardening. I'm SO thankful for a husband who doesn't mind is willing to get down on his hands and knees to help with weeding and planting. He does so many things he doesn't really like to do- merely out of love! *sigh* We have a little ant problem, so, we've only been able to plant half of the garden. These little plants are truly amazing. One morning there was a little leaf poking out of the dirt...the next morning there are two full leaves completely sprouted! There are so many spiritual lessons to be learned from our garden. It makes me so excited to see if they will bear fruit and veggies. We've enjoyed several rounds of rhubarb and I think the strawberries are next. I'm hoping to catch some of the wild berry bushes near our house before all the dog-walkers pick them all.

So, there you have it...a little taste into the boring adulthood of my life. I still laugh at myself every now and then as I realize, "I'm a grown-up. This is my life." So many years were spent longing for the day I could drive, or have my own place or be married. I'm thankful for each phase of my life- even the really hard ones...and the boring ones. I'm thankful for today and the many, many ways God reveals more of Himself to me- even through hobbies. I hope that as you sit in front of your computer, or wherever your hobbies may take you, that you are reminded of God and His incredible creativity!


Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Cancer

Cancer. There are many thoughts and emotions that are connected to a word like cancer. Cancer has been making quite the appearance in the lives of my friends lately. The Rexer family has been walking the path of leukemia and just last Friday a family at the Hospitality House announced her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. In the last week, I can think of at least six friends who have asked prayer for family or friends recently diagnosed. It seems to be unavoidable.

Lydia was my first real experience with cancer. She used to be the Financial Aid lady at the college I attended. When I first met Lydia, I thought she was a little harsh and unflexible. I mean she talked to you straight about whether or not you really had the money to pay for your college education. What was your plan? Needless to say, I ended up in Lydia's office more than once explaining that I had no idea where the money was going to come from. I had enrolled for college too late and missed most of the scholarships and my savings and four jobs could only carry me so far. She would pat me on the back and say, "Don't worry about it. God will provide. I'll see if I can find any other scholarships for you." Miraculously, when I would go to pay my bill there was a "Needy Student Scholarship" applied to my account and I would sigh and wipe a tear as I thanked God for lifting me through another semester.

After I graduated from college, I was privileged enough to work at the University as an employee for several years. There were a smattering of other women who worked together pretty closely, including Lydia, and we enjoyed eating lunch together from time to time. I remember Red Lobster was a favorite for everyone, I mean who can say "No." to those cheddar biscuits? As I got to know these women and the inner workings of the University a little better, that is when I began to put the pieces together. The "Needy Student Scholarship" was actually the Lydia scholarship. Even now it brings tears to my eyes as I recognize that Lydia and her husband were beacons that pointed me to worship Jehovah Jireh- My Provider. Without those scholarships, I am unsure of whether or not I would have completed my college education.

When Lydia died of cancer, it hit me really hard. Not that we were really close, but knowing that there would now be students who would have to drop out of school because there was no "Needy Student Scholarship". It hit me hard because I never chose to say "Thank you" in person. It hit me hard because Lydia loved Jesus and was doing a good work...why would He take her home early?

Cancer produces a lot of hard questions. Questions that cannot be ignored. I do not pretend to have all or any of the answers, but I do wholly place my trust in the God who is the Creator of life. I do believe that Lydia is with her Savior, free of the pain of this life. I entrust my life to Him and I am thankful He meets me where I'm at...even in the midst of hard questions.

[Psa 139:1-10 ESV] - To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.

O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.

Tuesday, May 07, 2013

Time for a Car Wash!

When I was a kid, I remember one of the things I loved the most about it getting warm outside was that meant Dad would run the car through the car wash. It sounds pretty silly to say that out loud, but there was something so soothing about sitting inside the car listening to the water and the whirring and being completely cocooned from the outside world while some magic machine does all the work of cleaning our car for us! Seriously, who wouldn't choose that over a hose and a bucket where I have to do all the work?!? Aaaanyway, yesterday Kyle and I had a little time to burn and now that we're real grown-ups, occasionally we wash our car. I was super excited to be able to relax in our car and enjoy the water and soap wash away my cares.

It started out the same as most car-washes: pre-wash, soap, rollers. Then suddenly the car starts being jostled back and forth. "What is that? The rollers are in the back and not even touching the car!" As I realized it was the wheel wash, I laughed at myself and started to relax a little, but then everything just stopped. "That's weird. Maybe I just can't see it moving." I said to myself. A little something inside me started to panic. "Did it break? We have a meeting to go to in 1/2 hour. Am I going to be stuck in here? I can't really get out because the water could turn back on any second." I decided to call Kyle who was standing outside of the car wash. No answer. "Well, I guess there's nothing to do but just sit here until something happens." After several minutes of sitting and waiting, my sweet husband came and told me there was a glitch and they were going to start the wash over.

I had to laugh at how God can teach me a lesson in just about any situation, if I'm willing to just listen. You see, there are several situations in my life right now where I feel like I've done everything I possibly can, but now I'm just sitting and waiting for someone else to make a decision or do something. I'm totally stuck. I don't like being stuck. I like having a plan and being in control. I like claiming Proverbs 16:3, "Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established." However, sometimes I like to help the LORD in His work a little more than I like to commit my work to Him.

The car wash started up again a few minutes later. The car jostled back and forth, but this time I knew it was the wheel wash. The soap came and I found myself wondering, "Will it work this time?" A slight pause and then the water came and rinsed all the soap away. I didn't enjoy this car wash as much as I expected, but I left with a clear reminder that He really is the One who is in control of every detail in my life...car washes and all.

Monday, April 08, 2013

Catawampus

Catawampus- what a weird word, right? I admit I had to look up how to spell it, but at least I knew the meaning right? You should probably cut me some slack, it's 3:46 am and I've been up since 1:30am- for no particular reason other than I couldn't sleep. So, I've been up cleaning out my emails and getting caught up on work since I've been out of the office for the last week. As I was sitting at my desk, I realized several things in my office were totally catawampus (askew- yet another weird word). My flowers are leaning over (they were hungry for light), my curtain is definitely not straight and even the curtain tie-back is totally crooked (and not in a good way either).

I've always been someone who like order. I suppose we could over-analyze my need for control or whatnot, but for now, let's just take that fact for granted. I'm not sure I can handle criticism in my current state of mind. ;) Anyway, as I was evaluating the state of my office, I was reminded of some of my "need for order" moments. When I was young, I used to go to my friends house for the weekend to help them clean their rooms. It was fun- I promise!!! From time to time, I will have someone who intentionally mocks my need for order. I remember one particular family who really should have just taken their cupboard doors off in their kitchen, because every time I would come over to visit, cabinet doors were open all over the kitchen- not to mention the array of drawers half opened and closed! Oh my goodness, I just couldn't help but just start closing drawers and cabinets! Sometime I would try to be discreet, but when they asked me to house-sit for them, I casually mentioned how excited I was to know that their cabinets and drawers would be closed for at least a week while I lived there. Needless to say that when I arrived there was a sweet note letting me know they had left things just the way I liked it. Yep, every single drawer and cabinet were wide open.

So, I guess I've made some growth in my life...well, that or I'm just lazy. :) Here I sit, my office still in a state of catawampus. I'm sure it won't last more than a day or two. At least the rest of my house isn't that bad. Or is it? Maybe I should go check... Regardless, I've found my word of the day and even learned the proper way to spell it.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Have I Learned my Lesson Yet?

Yesterday was just one of those days. It started out with a young lab technician who couldn't find a vein in my arm deciding to take eight vials of blood out of my hand. It started out ok, but after throwing up and being close to passing out, she decided she could make the five vials she had pulled work just fine. Thus began a day of mishaps...internet issues, ridiculously slow traffic while trying to get to a meeting on time, people not showing up for said meeting, misunderstandings, and car issues. Oh what a day! I think the only thing that made it better was connecting with my husband after work and finding out his day was just as bad. So, Kyle and I hunkered down for the night and had breakfast for dinner...one of my favorites...and hoped nothing else could penetrate our safe bunker for the night.

A lot of my time lately has been focused on what God has been teaching me these past few months, which oddly enough has taken me to a review of my last seven years in Germany. During our Bible study in Jeremiah these last ten months, one of the things that appears over and over is  who Israel/Judah are trusting in. They trust in their land, the temple, their position as "God's chosen people", false gods, and even themselves. This led me to the obvious question, "What am I trusting in- instead of God?"

There are three things that always stress me out (now four, since coming to Germany): car, computer, finances and health. Those four things became quite clear to me as I began to see a pattern emerge during my time here in Germany. Again and again (another repeating theme in Jeremiah) issues with the car, computer, finances and health would pop up. I began to realize that these are four things that I trust in- instead of God. Granted there are always varying degrees of trust, and I have learned my lesson from time to time...but as you can see from my first paragraph about my bad day...those lessons still continue to resurface. Some days are just bad days...but others are a reminder that I am trusting in myself and not God.

So, as God and I grapple with my trust issues...let me pose the question to you, "What are you trusting in instead of God?" If you think about the last several years or months, do you see a pattern where you are grasping for control of your life instead of handing over the reigns to your Creator? The Bible talks about trust quite a bit, but my favorite verses to look at are the Psalms. Here are a few verses to whet your appetite:


And those who know Your name will put their trust in You, For You, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You.
But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD, I say, "You are my God."
How blessed is the man who has made the LORD his trust, And has not turned to the proud, nor to those who lapse into falsehood.
Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah.

There are Oh so many more! I hope you will take the time to talk to the Lord about where you are placing your trust. <3 h2="">

Monday, March 11, 2013

He's Still Working On Me

We all have them. Those songs that pop into your head and stick with you all day-no matter how hard you try. Most of those songs are a curse, but today's song is a real gift from the Lord and a wonderful reminder of Philippians 1:6,
"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." ESV
I hope you'll read the words or listen to the link and be reminded to be patient with others, as God is SO patient with us!

You Tube Video of He's Still Working on Me

He's Still Working on Me 
Chorus:
He's still working on me
To make me what I need to be
It took him just a week to make the moon and stars
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
'Cause He's still workin' on me

Repeat Chorus

There really ought to be a sign upon my heart
Don't judge him yet, there's an unfinished part
But I'll be better just according to His plan
Fashioned by the Master's loving hands

Repeat Chorus

In the mirror of His word
Reflections that I see
Makes me wonder why He never gave up on me
But He loves me as I am and helps me when I pray
Remember He's the potter; I'm the clay

Repeat Chorus (x2)

Tuesday, March 05, 2013

A Sunny Outlook

The sun has been out and shining for two days in a row here! It's amazing what the sunshine does for people's attitudes here in Germany. Recently some of my friends were talking about an article in the German newspaper that said this has been the gloomiest winter in Germany in over 30 years! How's that for uplifting news? On Saturday we pulled up the rolladens and basked in the warmth of the sun for several hours. I joked with Kyle that Germany is the only place I've known where sunbathing inside was such a treat! :)

The sun has been a motivator for a few other things too...spring cleaning is in full force! Yesterday, I rearranged our bedroom. I'm not sure of the last time I actually lived long enough in one location to rearrange furniture. Oh, such fun. Now what to do with the other rooms? I was also motivated to wear capris yesterday. I really wanted to wear flip-flops, but my feet are still cold from our tile floors inside...I don't think they're ready for the (still) winter chill!

Kyle and I are talking about planting a garden this year. Neither one of us really know what we're doing, but the sunshine inspires hope for the possibility of fresh yumminess in our own yard!

Here are a few Scriptures about the sun:
Psa 50:1 A psalm of Asaph. The Mighty One, God, the LORD, speaks and summons the earth from the rising of the sun to where it sets.

Psa 113:3 From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the LORD is to be praised.

Isa 45:6 so that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting people may know there is none besides me. I am the LORD, and there is no other.

Whether the sun is out where you live or not, may your day be filled with a sunny outlook!

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Back on my Feet

Sickness is making the rounds, but last week I was sick...really sick! The Dr. at the E.R. said that her best guess was I had multiple things all at the same time. Let's just say I was exhausted after getting up to go the bathroom and spent almost the whole week flat on my back in bed or on the couch. Spending my days laying in bed gave me time to think (well, at least when I wasn't sleeping). I thought back to my first few years here in Germany. I was sick- a lot! I had never really had major problems with my health before coming to Germany, but I spent the first couple of years here in bed, at the Dr. or at the E.R. trying to get things righted. As I came out of those many months with medical staff, I reflected on the new insight God had given me into the lives of those who live with illness day in and day out. The strength of mind must overcome the weakness of the body. One must face the reality that they, in and of themselves, are unable to make themselves well. We live in a fallen world.

If you are like the many, many people who have been subjected to the flu or some other illness this winter, maybe you should take the time to pray for those in your sphere who struggle with their health on a regular basis, or those who are house-bound (how crazy were you going being cooped up in your room for days on end???). A thoughtful card, call or visit can communicate so much.

I still seem to have plenty of health issues to keep me busy, but I am thankful to the God Who is my Healer. I am thankful that I am not relegated to my bed day in and day out, and I am thankful to a God who will take me to those dark and lonely places to remind me of His heart for people.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Kisses of Worship

I love to read, but I go in spurts. One month, I'll be devouring books and the next I am not interested. It's a strange relationship to be sure, but when I read, I am ALL in. I love books like the Lord of the Rings trilogy that have a fun fictitious quality, but also have a spiritual lesson that can be derived from so many of the scenes. Recently, I've been in a bit of a dry reading spell, but felt compelled to pick up a book I bought while we were in the states in January.

This book is called "Kisses from Katie". It's a autobiography of sorts from a 21 year old girl who lives in Uganda, adopted 13 girls and started her own ministry. Although I'm only a few chapters in, I can tell you that you cannot read this book without being moved.


This morning I was contemplating some things that Kyle was sharing in regards to prayer, and I decided I wanted to practice listening to the Lord (instead of just giving Him a list of needs). So, as we talked, I asked Him what He has for me, for Kyle, for us in this stage of our lives. You see, lately, I've been feeling like we're really good at living the life, we're in the Word, we're doing ministry, but I miss those heart-to-hearts the Lord and I used to have. So, there I sat and listened. Eventually I was moved to pick this book up. I was so moved that I want to share this excerpt of her journal with you:

"One Day~ October 20, 2007
It is pouring. It is freezing. The power has been off for days and the water lines are down. Yet I stand in the middle of twenty-five children praising and thanking the Lord. Our usual outside worship has been taken indoors due to the storm, so instead of praying together, the children are praying in their individual rooms. I am in the primary boys' room, which is home to twenty-five boys ages six to ten. I have never seen anyone so alive with love for their Maker. Some stand with their hands in the air. Others, like me, overwhelmed with awe, have fallen to their knees on the cold cement floor. The beautiful sound of twenty-six voices lifted in prayer drowns out the beating of the rain on the tin roof.  
God is so in this moment, I feel so full of His love that my heart threatens to burst. This is not something I can explain. This is not something words can capture. This feeling is bigger. The splendor of God in this room takes my breath away. We all pray out loud and our voices mix into one, all different words, but the same message. Thank you. Thank you. 
At first glance, it would be easy to feel sorry for these little boys. Their clothes are tattered, they sleep on old, dirty mattresses, they walk to school barefoot in the rain. They have no electricity, no running water, and it is raining so hard that the whole compound has become a muddy swamp. But I should not pity these children. In fact, I should envy them. At six years old, these children know what it is to be filled with the Holy Spirit. These children know the greatness, the wonder of our God. 
I've had people ask me why I think Africa is so impoverished, but these children are not poor. I, as a person who grew up wealthy, am. I put value in things. These children, having no things, put value in God. I put my trust in relationships, these children, having already see relationships fail, put their trust in the Lord. This nation is blessed beyond any place, any people. I have ever encountered. God has not forgotten them. In fact, I believe He has loved them just a little bit extra. 
I sit here freezing and wet in this pitch-black room as the rain beats on the roof, and God is so close I feel I can touch Him. My deepest prayer is that I could know the Lord as well as the first grader next to me. All my senses are full of His greatness. God's glory has fallen down into this place and is soaking us even deeper than the rain. I never ever want to be dry."
Oh to know Him like this.

Thursday, February 07, 2013

Worth the Wait!

Christmas, New Years, a visit to the states...it's been a whirlwind of busy here. Normally when Kyle and I are busy, we tend to miss each other in the midst of doing, and while there has been a bit of that- I've been reflecting on what a wonderful gift God has given me in the gift of Kyle. Kyle is kind, always trying to make sure I am good and taken care of, funny, affectionate, silly, smart, and real. Recently I was talking to a friend who said, "He loves you so much. He is still googly-eyed over you!" I have been relishing that statement for these past few days and it just fills my heart with joy.


We waited. We waited for a long time before we got married. We waited so long in fact, that both of us wondered if we would ever get married. Now, we both say, "It was worth the wait!". I think one of the most joyously overwhelming things for me to think about is that Kyle is a picture of how Christ loves me. It brings tears to my eyes to just think about how fully and completely my husband loves me (especially when I don't deserve it) and Christ loves me even more than that! How could I ever capture something so beautiful into words?

If you have been blessed with marriage- take some time today to thank the Lord for that precious gift. If you are single and waiting for that special someone- be reminded that the Lord is googly-eyed over YOU!

Thank you, Lord, for the wonderful gift of my husband and the many beautiful ways that he expresses Your love to me!

Tuesday, January 08, 2013

2013: New & Shiny

2013: A year of fresh possibilities, ideas, and adventures. I assume it's pretty normal to be excited about the new year. I think the only complaints I ever hear about the calendar turning are, "I wrote the wrong date," or "How time flies!". Other than that, it's like a breath of fresh air and full of new possibilities. I used to make a list of all the things I wanted to accomplish or change in the new year- this year it's more of a list of things I'd like to try...

I stumbled across a blog yesterday that had the question, "When was the last time you tried something for the first time?" I found it an intriguing idea. So, after Kyle got off work I asked him. He proceeded to tell me about several different things he did today for the first time. I told him that it wasn't really fair since he started in a new section at work a couple of weeks ago. I guess I thought I was pretty good at trying new things: working out in the swimming pool, trying new recipes, being daring at restaurants and trying food I've never had before... I'm not crazy, I know...but maybe I should try to do something for the first time...but what?

Perhaps you can give me some feedback? Do you try new things often? What type of new things could I try? I look forward to some reader mail!