Have you ever thought about how much your life has changed- just in the past five years? The last few months have been personally quite discouraging for me, and I've been stewing on how I have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm headed. Today I've been quite focused on updating my email lists and address book, etc. Anyway, as I was looking over names I haven't thought about in a while, my screen saver was scrolling pictures from the last five years. I would casually look up and think about where each picture was taken- Colorado, Indiana, Nebraska, France, Rome, Austria, Switzerland. Good grief! Sometimes I forget how different my life was only two years ago. Here I am discouraged about why I'm here in Germany and then I reflect on all of the amazing opportunities I've had here. I never EVER thought I would visit Europe- let alone live here. We were lucky to take family vacations.
I am thankful for the opportunities that I have had here in Germany, and yet I realize that I am different. I'm not the same person I used to be. I love a Sara Grove's song that encapsulates my thoughts these days. My favorite line from her song, "Painting Pictures of Egypt" is "But the places that used to fit me, Cannot hold the things I've learned". I realize that even if I were to head home and try to reengage the life I once had there- it wouldn't work. I don't fit there anymore.
Here are the all the lyrics from this song:
I don't want to leave here
I don't want to stay
It feels like pinching to me
Either way
And the places I long for the most
Are the places where I've been
They are calling out to me
Like a long lost friend
It's not about losing faith
It's not about trust
It's all about comfortable
When you move so much
And the place I was wasn't perfect
But I had found a way to live
And it wasn't milk or honey
But then neither is this
I've been painting pictures of Egypt,
I've been leaving out what it lacks
The future feels so hard,
And I wanna go back!
But the places that used to fit me,
Cannot hold the things I've learned
Those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned!
The past is so tangible
I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy
To discard
I was dying for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go
I am caught between the Promise
And the things I know
I've been painting pictures of Egypt,
I've been leaving out what it lacks
The future feels so hard,
And I wanna go back!
But the places that used to fit me,
Cannot hold the things I've learned
Those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned!
If it comes to quick
I may not appreciate it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
And if it comes to quick
I may not recognize it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
