I started reading this book with the idea that it would help me understand the men in my life. However, I was greatly surprised at some of the personal applications I discovered as well. It never occurred to me that when a woman is seeking to understand the heart of a man, her heart is intrinsically linked to that understanding.
As I read the first chapter, I found myself thinking, "Yeah! That’s the kind of man I want to commit to. A man who is not afraid to follow God without abandon. Someone who is not passive and totally safe, but gets a huge smile on his face when he has climbed the mountain, shot the deer, or has accomplished whatever crazy adventure he has set out to do. A man who is honest about his desires and seeks to pursue God- whatever the cost.
While I contemplated the man of chapter 1 who is not totally safe, I started to recognize the fear in my heart. I don’t know if I can trust a man who is not totally safe. I like this quote from page 83, "Yes, a man is a dangerous thing. So is a scalpel. It can wound or it can save your life. You don’t make it safe by making it dull, you put it in the hands of someone who knows what he’s doing." For me, and I would guess for most women, there is a tension between desiring security and longing for adventure.
How can a man make a woman feel secure while still being adventurous? Adventure is not safe- that’s part of the definition. I always understood that if you were on an adventure, you were doing something you were not supposed to be doing, or you are being unsafe. Like Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, every time they were having an adventure…they got into trouble. So, it is possible to be a woman who feels safe while being with a man who is pursuing his adventure?
It reminds me of a quote from "Chronicles of Narnia" where Lucy is trying to discern what kind of lion Aslan is. "Are you a tame lion?" she asks. Aslan responds, "No, but I am good." There is a healthy fear as you are in the presence of Aslan- he is a lion, after all. However, the heart of Aslan is not to harm you- but to bring you good. Despite the fear that the presence of Aslan produces, there is a safety in His goodness. A safety I still cannot describe…but I know no other word for it.
As I look back over the subjects that have captured my heart while reading this book, I ask myself if it is really a man that I am drawn to- or is it the heart of God placed in the heart of man. I know that a man will never fully meet my needs- so, I must be looking to my Creator, who knows me better than I know myself, to meet my deepest needs.
This book has helped me better understand the men in my life, especially my Dad and my brothers. Understanding the words they needed to hear from their fathers and why certain memories continue to haunt them to this day. Learning that their desire has been to know if they have what it takes to be a "real man", to be the provider for their family and to love their wives the way they need to be loved. To understand why sitting at a desk all day can corrode the heart and soul of a man.
This book has also given me a glimpse into the heart of God. He is wild and untamed: He created the jungles, the wilderness, fierce animals and landscape. God is a risk-taker- what else would you call the creation of the earth, knowing mankind would sin and ultimately break His heart.
I long for a man who desires to be a man after God’s own heart. A man who is not necessarily safe, but he is good. As a woman, safety is important to me. However, God’s good plan for me overrides my desire for safety. My adventure continues to expand as I seek to follow God even when it doesn’t make sense. It is an amazingly difficult life to live, but the rewards are out of this world! J I hope that God provides an earthly companion to share this adventure with, but I trust that my God is good- regardless.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Peekabo! I See You!
I was a little nervous about my trip to Austria. There were only going to be a few women attending, and my experience on this same trip last year was not very good. I asked several people to pray that it would be positive and that God would "meet me there".
The entire week was amazing. I know that word is tossed around non-chalantly…but it truly was. Around every corner it seemed God had a little surprise waiting for me. I could sense He was wooing me to Himself. How I love to feel wanted and cared for! I did not even realize how tired I was, until He gave me rest. I did not recognize how heavy my heart had become until He caused me to laugh all the way down a mountain. I did not see that I was holding myself back from Him until He presented me with the opportunity to hand Him control of my life…again. He knew my every need before I did and He cared for me boldly.
Toward the end of our retreat, my heart was overflowing with His joy. I was consumed with His amazing love for me, and I was thanking Him for it. That’s when I heard it. It was not a tangible voice, but this clear sense of His voice saying, "Enjoy this refreshment. You’re going to need it, because it is going to get hard." Immediately, I was afraid. What is it, Lord? What’s going to happen? … Then I realized, He said, "Enjoy this refreshment." So, I chose to ignore the nagging sense of sadness and to appreciate the moments of the day at hand. "Do not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow has enough worries of its own.
We arrived home Friday afternoon. Today is Tuesday and I have received three completely different sets of difficult news. At the announcement of the first, I was sad- very sad- but I recognized it was of the Lord. He had prepared my heart. He had reminded me that He prepares the way before me and that He walks the path with me. My heart is heavy with the pain of loss and change. My heart aches for the physical and emotional suffering that God allows to enter our path sometimes. My heart clings to the hope that He is ALL I need.
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging…The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Come and see the works of the LORD…Be still, and know that I am God…" Ps. 46:1-3, 7, 10
The entire week was amazing. I know that word is tossed around non-chalantly…but it truly was. Around every corner it seemed God had a little surprise waiting for me. I could sense He was wooing me to Himself. How I love to feel wanted and cared for! I did not even realize how tired I was, until He gave me rest. I did not recognize how heavy my heart had become until He caused me to laugh all the way down a mountain. I did not see that I was holding myself back from Him until He presented me with the opportunity to hand Him control of my life…again. He knew my every need before I did and He cared for me boldly.
Toward the end of our retreat, my heart was overflowing with His joy. I was consumed with His amazing love for me, and I was thanking Him for it. That’s when I heard it. It was not a tangible voice, but this clear sense of His voice saying, "Enjoy this refreshment. You’re going to need it, because it is going to get hard." Immediately, I was afraid. What is it, Lord? What’s going to happen? … Then I realized, He said, "Enjoy this refreshment." So, I chose to ignore the nagging sense of sadness and to appreciate the moments of the day at hand. "Do not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow has enough worries of its own.
We arrived home Friday afternoon. Today is Tuesday and I have received three completely different sets of difficult news. At the announcement of the first, I was sad- very sad- but I recognized it was of the Lord. He had prepared my heart. He had reminded me that He prepares the way before me and that He walks the path with me. My heart is heavy with the pain of loss and change. My heart aches for the physical and emotional suffering that God allows to enter our path sometimes. My heart clings to the hope that He is ALL I need.
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging…The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Come and see the works of the LORD…Be still, and know that I am God…" Ps. 46:1-3, 7, 10
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)