Waiting Until the Right Time

I've begun to notice that I avoid blogging or posting of any kind when things are hard. I want to write about the happy stuff, the encouraging and funny stuff...not the "I didn't know it could hurt this much" stuff. This last week has been hard. Really hard. In typical Mel form, I avoided posting, emailing, etc. I just wanted to spend some time with God and tell Him how much life was hurting right now. That being said, we had some wonderful talks. The hurt continues, but at least I feel a little more free to be open.

Thank you to the many of you who reached out to me as I expressed my sadness regarding Kyle's upcoming deployment. It was so amazing and refreshing to see how God always gives me just what I need when I need it. It's so silly that I continue to be amazed at God being God, but I guess that's just my human perspective that can't fully wrap my head around Who He is. :)

One of the projects that I've recently brought back to the front burner is organizing my college papers and random resources that I've collected through the years. I have several boxes and plenty of computer files that really aren't serving me any purpose except taking up space...so, I've begun slowly tackling the files. As I was going through some random sermon notes and outlines, I stumbled on some notes from a workshop I took with PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel) entitled "Perseverance 101: Who is this God Who Sent My Spouse Away on Deployment?" When I took it back in 2007, it was because I felt that I needed some perseverance and it couldn't hurt to have a little more insight into the military world. I haven't looked at that material again until now and how who would have ever thought I would be one of those wives needing encouragement??? God did.

This week Kyle started back on the day shift- I think that will be a huge help to our schedule and our marriage. We still have lots of paperwork to do in preparation, things like "Power of Attorneys", "wills", and ordering firewood and oil for the winter. It's a little overwhelming at times, but at least it keeps our minds busy?

We are seeking to stay active in our local community...having friends over to play nerdy games, babysitting, worship practice, small groups, etc. I don't know how folks make it without the support of others. So, THANK YOU to the many of you out there who love us and aren't afraid to let us know. We are so thankful for a God Who loves us, holds us close and blesses us with people to be His hands and feet.

It's Really Happening

It was Thursday. We were leaving for our vacation on Friday. Preparations were in full swing: laundry, packing, taking out the trash, watering plants, etc. I went to bed feeling pretty ready for our trip. I did my best not to let those thoughts of last minute items slip into my mind and keep sleep from my weary body. "How I need this vacation!", I thought to myself. "How we need this vacation.", I corrected myself. As Kyle got home from work around 7:30am, I was hurriedly trying to get our luggage to the door. I was focused on our trip, on details like if we packed the GPS when Kyle asked me, "Hey! Guess what I got at work today?". I distractedly said, "I don't know- what?" "My deployment paperwork." Everything stopped. I fought to look unaffected and to keep the tears from my eyes. It's really happening. He is really leaving. Even now it is impossible to keep the tears from running down my cheeks, but I wanted to be brave. I wanted to be a good wife and support my husband as he does his job well and does his part to protect our beloved country. "I guess our vacation is good timing.", I responded thinking, "I can put this off for another ten days."

Unfortunately, the vacation is over. The week after we returned was very difficult for me. I cried every day for one reason or another. As I write this, Kyle is in his deployment training where they make sure all his paperwork is in order (will, power of attorney, etc.) and tell him what he needs to bring with him. It's really happening. I know there are many women and families who have done this before us, but that doesn't change the reality for me right now and my family. When we got married, we knew that deployment would most likely be soon. We have managed a year and a half and now it is time.

Kyle and I married later in life and spent much of our first year and a half together learning how to be united as a couple. We have been learning how to release our selfishness for the sake of the other and how to live our lives as one instead of two. As romantic as movies and books make this sound- it is hard work! Totally worth it, but hard nonetheless. Now, as we face deployment we are thinking through the process of how do we remain as one despite the distance and our different lives? How do we not live as if we are single again? How do I honor my spouse through this process?

I share these thoughts mainly because it helps to say them aloud, but also to offer a window into the life of a military family. We both have people in our lives who are wonderful support and encouragers. Kyle actually knows multiple friends/family who will be deployed to the same base at the same time! Yeah, God! We know that God knows each day that we have and we trust Him with them. We are thankful for the opportunity to be stretched and challenged, but we are also grieving the loss of time not spent together. Thanks for your prayers as we embark on this new journey.

Home Where I Belong

Today as I was driving, I passed over a newly paved road. It sparkled- literally! It reminded me of roads we used to drive on as a kid when I had first discovered mica in the mountains of Colorado. It was so beautiful and sparkly that I was just sure it was valuable, and then my Dad told me they mixed it in with the roads in the mountains and that's why the roads sparkled. Well, one cannot stare at sparkly roads without daydreaming about Heaven with it's golden roads and all!

I used to daydream about Heaven a lot...I haven't done that in a while. I've read books and heard sermons and even done a little research of my own, but the bottom line is that it is beyond our understanding, comprehension and anything we can imagine. So, I think that's a free ticket to let your imagination run wild! I even remember a beloved professor speaking about Heaven and how he had studied and studied the subject. When they're family pet died, their son was looking for consolation that their pet would be with them in Heaven. He regretfully informed His son, "I'm sorry, but there are no animals in Heaven." Later, his son asked him about the white horse Jesus would be on when He came back and he found himself speechless. I'm not saying we can't know what to expect or that we shouldn't even study the matter, because I applaud studies. I'm just saying, take a moment to let your imagination run wild and relish in the home God has prepared for you if you have believed and accepted Him.

Here are some lyrics from one of my favorite Heaven songs:

Home Where I Belong by BJ Thomas
They say that heaven's pretty
And living here is too
But if they said that I
would have to choose between the two
I'd go home, going home, where I belong

And sometimes when I'm dreaming
It comes as no surprise
That if you look and see
The homesick feeling in my eyes
I'm going home, going home, where I belong

While I'm here I'll serve him gladly
And sing him all my songs
I'm here, but not for long
And when I'm feeling lonely
And when I'm feeling blue
It's such a joy to know that
I am only passing through

I'm headed home, going home, where I belong

And one day I'll be sleeping,
When death knocks on my door
And I'll awake and find that
I'm not homesick anymore
I'll be home, going home, where I belong