What a mess!

Do you ever just feel like a mess? Yesterday I went to take a drink and something felt weird in my mouth. Maybe even moving? I immediately spit it out all over the floor to discover a live silverfish was in my drink. Even hours later it still felt like there was a bug in my mouth! Last night I did not fall asleep until about 2am and that was with the aid of a Benadryl. Today when I got home, I dropped my keys in a pile of ashes (we use them on our garden) and it acted like quicksand- immediately relegating the keys somewhere to the bottom of the pile. I finally get in the house to discover we are accumulating fruit flies all over our house again! What a mess!

Last night when I couldn't sleep, I started reading a book I've had for a while called "Messy". I read a few chapters and while I'm not sure I could endorse the book, I agree with the premise that life is messy. It talks specifically about how Christians try to hide or clean up the mess for fear that it make us look bad as people or as Christians. Then he said something that really made me think...

"We just can't seem to get it all right. But what if the mess is holy? What if the mess is the way it's all supposed to be? What if the mess is not something to 'fix'?"

Right now my life feels really messy. I feel like I am falling short in so many areas of my life. So, what does it look like to find holiness amidst the mess? The idea of the mess being holy offers such hope and grace- both characteristics of God. However, I've come to know God as a God of order- not chaos. Are both somehow true? Obviously, this is a thought in process, but I'd love to hear your thoughts too.

Life-Changing Moments

There are moments in life that will forever change the way you look at the rest of your life…for me some of those moments include being in a car accident, getting married, moving overseas, assisting in the birth of a child, 9-11, and the death of my Grandma.

It happened quite suddenly, Grandma had open-heart surgery on Monday and was recovering quite well. On Saturday, I received the call that the Dr. only gave her hours to live. Living in Germany meant there was no way that I could physically be there to say "Goodbye". Words can't express how hard that was for me.

Anyone who has had the privilege of knowing their Grandparents, probably have many wonderful memories with them. I am no different. Memories of dresses and curtains she made for me, putting curlers in her hair for a payment of $.25, spending the week at Grandma's while I recovered from the chickenpox and that horrible blind date she set me up on because she was so worried I would never get married. My Grandma and I had a different bond because she was my fill-in-mom. My mom left when I was 7, and Grandma came to live with us during the week and went home to be with Grandpa on the weekends. She taught me lots of things, but most importantly she always pointed me to Jesus as the answer to all of my questions. Just like any mother/daughter relationship we didn't always see eye to eye, but I knew she loved me and was proud of me.

I will never forget her words to me before my wedding. "Melissa, I'm so proud of you. I always knew there was something extra special about you."  My biggest disappointment is that I was sick during her funeral and was unable to sing as she requested. I know she would understand, but it still makes me sad.

I am so thankful for a Grandma who loved Jesus and wasn't afraid to share Him with others. I will treasure her memory always and my life will never be the same here without her. I look forward to seeing her again someday.