Kum Bay Ya

As I continued my reading in Matthew today, I was making note of how Jesus seemed to be “withdrawing” more frequently, or taking time to be alone. I wondered what might have been going through his mind, and thinking about how I need time to myself as well to think and process and pray. Perhaps I am more focused on that topic as today is my “Sabbath”. Anyway, when I got to chapter 17:9-13, Jesus is explaining to his disciples that John the Baptist was the coming of Elijah. At first glance this didn’t really rock my world, but then I realized this was the fulfillment of prophecy, indicating that Jesus’ crucifixion was near at hand. I found myself suddenly not wanting to read anymore. I was struck with the reality that this God-man that I have been identifying with these last sixteen chapters is going to die a cruel and horrific death. He has been leading and teaching these men, who sometimes get it and most of the time don’t. He has been traveling with no real place to call home and some people were incredibly grateful, but many wanted nothing to do with him. He had been giving everything of himself to follow the will of His father, and soon, he will be giving his life- literally. Even though I know what happens at the end, and that he is victorious, I want to share in the pain of what his “today” must have felt like. Each day, each healing, each lesson with the disciples- knowing that THE day of his crucifixion was drawing closer. It’s hard to know how he felt being 100% God and 100% man, but even the night before he prayed that “this cup might be removed from him”…so, it would be fair to assume that he did not want to die. I want to sit with him by the fire, put my arm around him and say, “I’m going to miss you. I know you have to do what you have to do, but I wish you didn’t have to die.” Just for tonight, I want to shed a few tears and share in that pain with him.