Catastrophe around every corner...

My time back in the States has been interesting to say the least...As I have retold various experiences to people while I've been on the road...it seems as if there is catastrophe around every corner!
Visit #1: Nebraska- The day I landed in the States, my stepmom's Dad had a stroke.
Visit #2: Colorado- I drove into the mountains and the car would not shift from 1st to 2nd gear.
Visit #3: Indiana- As I visited my brother and his family, they all enjoyed the latest round of stomach flu going around.
Visit #4: Chicago- After getting caught up with a friend, I fell down marble stairs and severely twisted my ankle and jacked up my shoulder.
Visit #5: Kansas- nothing traumatic here- whew!
Visit #6: Virginia- Canoeing in February was not my brightest decision ever, but of course we did not come to this conclusion until after we almost drowned in the icy waters.
Visit #7: West Virginia- My host develops severe mouth pain where it is painful to talk.

So, as you can see...things have been quite interesting here.

Truthfully, I have had some wonderful, obviously God-ordained meetings!

In Omaha, I met some incredible people- here's a little shout-out to the Bobbleheads! They are a small group from my sending church that were so loving and hilarious. :) AND I also met a man who was deployed with one of the gals from Germany. He just "happened" to be in a protestant church (he is catholic) on THE only Sunday that I "happened" to be available to share at this church. Pretty cool!
In Indiana, I had the opportunity to connect with a small group that has been supporting me for the past few months. It was an emotional time as I shared about my love for the people in Germany and how they have impacted my life- as well as what God is doing there.
In Chicago, I enjoyed listening to the life of my friend there, who has been in a relationship with an Army guy. It was amazing how much I could understand about her life because of my experience with the military these last two years.
In West Virgina, we watched a movie called "The Secret Life of Bees". I won't go into a lot of details, but it ministered to a deep part of my soul.
After a quick lunch in Harrisburg with a friend, I decided to make a quick stop in Hershey, PA. I had always wanted to visit the Hershey factory, and it was only 7 miles off of my route. I meandered around the museum, and decided to pick up a treat at the cafe, a treat for my next hosts. As I was scouring the menu, I started up a conversation with the cashier. Come to find out, she had been living in Germany for the last few months and was hoping to return soon. She lived in Trier, only about an hour from where I lived. So, we exchanged emails. Who knows what God will do with that, but it was too "random" to ignore.
In Pennsylvania, I shared with a church who has been supporting me with prayer for about two years now. They are a small, rural church who spend a lot of time praying their daily and weekly needs. It was humbling to be there to share my needs. Yet, this was the place where I had received the most financial help yet on my trip! I had a lady who has nothing (literally living with friends) hand me a check for $100. I also had coffee with the Secretary of the Missions Committee. We both cried as we shared about our past experiences on the mission field, and talked about what an AMAZING God we serve. This God is after our hearts and our faith- NOT our resources. It's never really about the money.

Although this trip has had challenges, I do not doubt that God has fore-ordained meetings with people. He has "prepared in advance" the way before me. Step by step, I'm learning to trust Him in deeper and more relevant ways.

My First Podcast Interview

Jill Hart, a woman I went to college with is one of the hosts for a Blog Talk Radio Show, as well as the founder of CWAHM (Christian Work At Home Moms). http://cwahm.com/wordpress/

Her and her co-host Dianna Ennen graciously invited me to share about my ministry with Cadence International. I was soooo nervous, but you can check out her website and even find the link to my interview at: http://blogtalkradio.com/cwahm.

Money=Fear? Another lesson on faith

Last week I was sharing about Cadence with a Sunday School class in Fort Wayne, Indiana. It was the first time in quite a while where I had the full hour to share what God is doing in the lives of women in Germany. I was a little nervous, as I think anyone speaking in front of people should be, but as the stories began to flow about the women I know in Germany and how God has proven Himself faithful...I sensed my heart begin to calm.

As a missionary of a faith-based organization, I am required to raise my own support to sustain ministry and life in Germany. There have been many challenges, often related to finances, but God has been incredibly faithful. Stories of amazing provision at just the right moment; stories that remind me that it is really NOT about the money, but whether or not I serve a faithful God.

I have a return ticket to head back to Germany on April 28th. I also have around $2500 of additional monthly support that must be raised in order for me to return on that plane. As I listen to the radio, the TV, people at the supermarket, even my pastor talk about the economic crisis and how we must all tighten our belts for the current times- my heart begins to fill with fear. Where in the world will this money come from? I am fortunate enough to have my current supporters stay with me- let alone additional supporters to join me. Such was the state of my heart and mind as I tried to focus on the sermon this Sunday morning.

We have been studying the book of Hebrews and talking about faith. The sermons have been incredibly applicable to this stage of my life. As we started reading Chapter 13, I sensed God saying, "Melissa, this is for you. Take heart."

13: 5-6, Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.' So we can confidently say, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?'

Fear is often associated with money, especially these days. However, God presence is always with us and He is the One who has given us everything we have and everything we need.

13:20-22, "Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

I have NO idea how God is going to provide the finances needed for me to return to Germany, but I trust that His plan is perfect and that He will be with me through it all, because His Word says so.

People-People-People

Tonight is one of those nights where I’m deep in thought about who I am and who I’ve become. I’m sure some of this is due to a conversation I just had with one of my friends here who is also a professional counselor. Tonight we talked about my strengths, my gifts and in general- who I am. Without a doubt- I’m a people person. Everything in my life seems to revolve around loving people, being with them, empathizing with them, looking for ways to include others and to help them see areas of growth. I like to help other people understand themselves better and to see how they can grow as individuals. I like people.

As much as I love people, I also need time and privacy to process and re-energize. That’s one of the reasons I’m looking forward to being on the road soon. I have time by myself to think, cry, and pray while I’m driving, and then I get to stay up late talking with people about what God is doing in their lives.

I know we’re always at different places in our growth. We’re changing, growing, morphing into the people God has made us to be. How often do you ask yourself- “Who am I? Who am I becoming? Or Who has God made me to be?” I recognize it is not always good to be self-focused, but I have found it is a lot more difficult to help others when you don’t understand who you are first.

My musings for the evening.

Hitting the Road

Tomorrow I head out the door in the direction of Denver, Colorado!
I'm looking forward to seeing friends and family. If you think of it- please pray for safety and a peaceful time on the road.

The Dumbest Question I've Heard Today

I was visiting my local library today in search of some peace and quiet. A library is a place where you expect knowledgeable, intelligent people- right? Here's how the conversation went:

Me: I'd like to check out a book, but I don't have my library card.
Library Lady: That's fine. I just need your ID and current address.
(I give it to her.)
Library Lady: It looks like you have a $10 fine on your account from August 2006. Would you like to pay it now?
Me: I'm pretty sure I paid all of my accounts before I left the country, but of course, I can't verify that.
Library Lady: Well, do you have the receipt?

*Point 1- I just stated that I can't verify that.
* Point 2- The fine was from August 2006. I am not even required by law to keep my paycheck stubs for longer than a year! Who in the world would keep a library fine receipt? Let alone in their wallet for the last 3 years?

Seriously, one of the dumbest questions, EVER!

Signs that I'm back in America...

Business are open 24 hours a day
Gas prices can change ANYTIME
Customer service
An exagerated sense of entitlement
People rarely smile
Everyone is in a hurry
Free refills
Ice in my beverages
When a waiter sees a lemon in my glass, he assumes it's water- not soda
Signs are only in one language
I can turn right at a red light
I don't have to pay to go to the bathroom
Public bathrooms are filthy!
People driving pass you on the right without hesitation
Drivers honk their horns when they're unhappy

Testimony of faithfulness

The last couple of weeks have not been the easiest for me. I said goodbye to some very dear friends in Germany and I reentered the US of A. America has caught me off guard in a few things: things like customer service, places being open 24 hours a day, a whole aisle in Wal-Mart for just salad dressing, an unbelievable sense of entitlement, people always being in a hurry and rarely smiling- just because. Some people would say I’m experiencing reverse culture shock.

The whole thing has been quite bizarre to me, as I did not feel like I experienced a lot of culture shock when I went to . There were a few things: having six trash cans for recycling, no customer service skills whatsoever, driving at a quick clip down the autobahn, etc. However, none of these cultural things felt too extreme.

There have been a lot of changes for me since I arrived back in the states. When I landed, we found out that my stepmom’s Dad had suffered a stroke- he is now living with us in my old room. I also had the privilege of participating in one of my best friends weddings…I am now one of the only unmarried from our group of friends. I’ve gone from being surrounded with 50-75 people every Friday night and having a built-in social group to next to no social life. It’s a big change.

I admit that I haven’t handled it very well at all. I have felt incredibly alone and not sure how to be this “spiritual missionary” and admit that I didn’t know how to handle all of this pressure. I know the “right” answer is to give it up to God…but HOW do I do that practically?

It began last night, with a simple admission in prayer that I can’t do this on my own. This morning in church we talked about God’s faithfulness. As I sang the line, “All I have needed, Thy hand hath provided.” I thought about how God HAS provided everything I need. He has given me a roof over my head, a vehicle (for free), wonderful friends, a family that lets me live with them…He is good. Then the sermon was on Joshua 4 where the Israelites built a memorial of stones to remind the generations to come of God’s faithfulness. When they looked at the stones they remembered how God parted the waters, protected them from the enemy, and walked them into the Promised Land. It got me to thinking, what would the stones in my life represent? What are the tangible ways that I have seen God’s faithfulness? I’m not sure how I’m going to “memorialize” my list, but I think it’s a great perspective to take- especially as I look at all the changes ahead of me. Thank you to those of you who have and are praying for me through this all. I believe this change of heart and mind is directly linked to your prayers!

Don’t worry; this isn’t the end of our conversation on faith and faithfulness…
I’d like to know, how would you set a memorial of God’s faithfulness in your life?

RUDE- is a four letter word!

I rarely use my blog as a place to whine, but today is the day! I claim Nebraska as home and one of the jokes about Nebraska is the orange cone is the state tree. So, coming from a place where we are quite familiar with construction- I have a few observations.

No one enjoys construction. It is a nuisance and can be quite aggravating, especially when you are in a time crunch. However, I think if we are old enough to drive, we SHOULD be old enough to realize that this is one of the downsides to transportation. Just like it really stinks to have to put money into maintaining your car, but that is part of the price you pay to own a vehicle and have the freedom to drive to and fro. So, recognizing that we ALL have to endure construction, why do people have to be SO rude while trying to navigate through it?!?!

This is my 1 pet peeve in driving!!! You're driving on a road that has two lanes, but everyone knows that in about 600 feet, it will merge into one lane. So, what does everyone do? They all get in the left lane and try to merge into traffic at the front of the line. OK- first off- isn't this something we all learned in Kindergarten? TAKE YOUR TURN! Second, is everyone so selfish that they neglect to see that this actually impedes movement for everyone? Not just the people at the back of the line. It drives me NUTS!!!

My solution: I think whenever this is the situation in construction. They should block the whole lane leading up to it. There should not be the ability to merge, and for those who want to try and do it anyway- they should have a nifty little turn-around lane that sends them completely to the back of all the traffic! That'll teach 'em!

I once experienced a semi-truck who blocked the other lane and forced everyone to get over and take their turn like everyone else. I kid you not- I sat in my car and cheered him on!!! I LOVE IOWA truck drivers. It takes a lot of integrity to do the right thing- even when you're in a hurry. So, the next time you think about taking the "quick" route and merging from the left lane- think about all the other people who are doing the right thing and waiting their turn. Is it too much to ask people to grow up and drive with integrity?

That's it for me- over and out.

Painting Pictures of Egypt

Have you ever thought about how much your life has changed- just in the past five years? The last few months have been personally quite discouraging for me, and I've been stewing on how I have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm headed. Today I've been quite focused on updating my email lists and address book, etc. Anyway, as I was looking over names I haven't thought about in a while, my screen saver was scrolling pictures from the last five years. I would casually look up and think about where each picture was taken- Colorado, Indiana, Nebraska, France, Rome, Austria, Switzerland. Good grief! Sometimes I forget how different my life was only two years ago. Here I am discouraged about why I'm here in Germany and then I reflect on all of the amazing opportunities I've had here. I never EVER thought I would visit Europe- let alone live here. We were lucky to take family vacations.

I am thankful for the opportunities that I have had here in Germany, and yet I realize that I am different. I'm not the same person I used to be. I love a Sara Grove's song that encapsulates my thoughts these days. My favorite line from her song, "Painting Pictures of Egypt" is "But the places that used to fit me, Cannot hold the things I've learned". I realize that even if I were to head home and try to reengage the life I once had there- it wouldn't work. I don't fit there anymore.

Here are the all the lyrics from this song:

I don't want to leave here
I don't want to stay
It feels like pinching to me
Either way
And the places I long for the most
Are the places where I've been
They are calling out to me
Like a long lost friend

It's not about losing faith
It's not about trust
It's all about comfortable
When you move so much
And the place I was wasn't perfect
But I had found a way to live
And it wasn't milk or honey
But then neither is this

I've been painting pictures of Egypt,
I've been leaving out what it lacks
The future feels so hard,
And I wanna go back!
But the places that used to fit me,
Cannot hold the things I've learned
Those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned!

The past is so tangible
I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy
To discard
I was dying for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go
I am caught between the Promise
And the things I know

I've been painting pictures of Egypt,
I've been leaving out what it lacks
The future feels so hard,
And I wanna go back!
But the places that used to fit me,
Cannot hold the things I've learned
Those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned!

If it comes to quick
I may not appreciate it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
And if it comes to quick
I may not recognize it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?

Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head...

As a current resident of Germany, I hear a lot about the weather. The last couple of weeks, we have had a LOT of sunshine and it's amazing how it affects people's moods. I enjoy the sun as much as the next person, but today I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face as I drove through huge drops of rain!

The last couple of weeks have been uber-stressful for me. I won't go into detail because it's truly irrelevant. Suffice it to say, I no longer burst into tears when someone asks the penetrating question, "How are you today?". Anyway, I have been so frustrated this week with deadlines and a workload that simply felt out of control. Today, just as I signed the dotted line, completing one of my biggest deadlines, huge drops of rain began to fall from the sky. I felt such relief in finally being free of this project, and it was almost as if the weather changed to match my sense of relief. I know that God rarely causes the weather to change just for my pleasure, but I must admit there are times where I feel He communicates to me in little things like rain. It's so hard to explain, but those drops were refreshing to my soul. I know the heat of life will continue to beat down on me, but just when I think I can't take it any more, He will send refreshing drops to satisfy me. I know that rain is often thought of as gloomy weather (and after weeks of it- I would agree), but today, raindrops were beautiful words of healing from a Father who loves me.

The Lion Speaks Again

"Are you a tame lion?" she asks. Aslan responds, "No, but I am good."

–Chronicles of Narnia

This quote from the Chronicles of Narnia is one that has been pivotal to me in the last few months. Each time I find myself in a position that is difficult or unexpected, I am reminded of how my God is fierce, powerful and good.

Today I had a conversation with a friend of mine in the States. We talk once a month about the big things in our lives and just try to encourage one another through it all. I was telling her about my current stressors which were beginning to feel like they were spiraling out of control. My mouth was talking about wanting to trust God with it, but my heart was fearful and unsure. She shared her current stressors as well and we both just sat quietly, contemplating the chaos we call our lives. We were about ready to say goodbye when out of nowhere she says, "I've had this phrase from Chronicles of Narnia buzzing through my head this whole conversation. 'He's not a tame lion.'" It really didn't fit in the conversation at all, but I instantly started crying. I told her about how pivotal that phrase had been in my life the last two months. How they had been a mantra of sorts, reminding me that God is in control. Although I don't believe those words were from her, the message could not have been any more clear to me.

"Melissa, I am not tame, but I am good. I have this situation under control, and I will take care of you."

I have NO idea how God is going to work out these complicated situations in my life, but no matter what happens- He is totally and completely trustworthy. I know this full well.

Wild At Heart: My Thoughts

I started reading this book with the idea that it would help me understand the men in my life. However, I was greatly surprised at some of the personal applications I discovered as well. It never occurred to me that when a woman is seeking to understand the heart of a man, her heart is intrinsically linked to that understanding.

As I read the first chapter, I found myself thinking, "Yeah! That’s the kind of man I want to commit to. A man who is not afraid to follow God without abandon. Someone who is not passive and totally safe, but gets a huge smile on his face when he has climbed the mountain, shot the deer, or has accomplished whatever crazy adventure he has set out to do. A man who is honest about his desires and seeks to pursue God- whatever the cost.

While I contemplated the man of chapter 1 who is not totally safe, I started to recognize the fear in my heart. I don’t know if I can trust a man who is not totally safe. I like this quote from page 83, "Yes, a man is a dangerous thing. So is a scalpel. It can wound or it can save your life. You don’t make it safe by making it dull, you put it in the hands of someone who knows what he’s doing." For me, and I would guess for most women, there is a tension between desiring security and longing for adventure.

How can a man make a woman feel secure while still being adventurous? Adventure is not safe- that’s part of the definition. I always understood that if you were on an adventure, you were doing something you were not supposed to be doing, or you are being unsafe. Like Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, every time they were having an adventure…they got into trouble. So, it is possible to be a woman who feels safe while being with a man who is pursuing his adventure?

It reminds me of a quote from "Chronicles of Narnia" where Lucy is trying to discern what kind of lion Aslan is. "Are you a tame lion?" she asks. Aslan responds, "No, but I am good." There is a healthy fear as you are in the presence of Aslan- he is a lion, after all. However, the heart of Aslan is not to harm you- but to bring you good. Despite the fear that the presence of Aslan produces, there is a safety in His goodness. A safety I still cannot describe…but I know no other word for it.

As I look back over the subjects that have captured my heart while reading this book, I ask myself if it is really a man that I am drawn to- or is it the heart of God placed in the heart of man. I know that a man will never fully meet my needs- so, I must be looking to my Creator, who knows me better than I know myself, to meet my deepest needs.

This book has helped me better understand the men in my life, especially my Dad and my brothers. Understanding the words they needed to hear from their fathers and why certain memories continue to haunt them to this day. Learning that their desire has been to know if they have what it takes to be a "real man", to be the provider for their family and to love their wives the way they need to be loved. To understand why sitting at a desk all day can corrode the heart and soul of a man.

This book has also given me a glimpse into the heart of God. He is wild and untamed: He created the jungles, the wilderness, fierce animals and landscape. God is a risk-taker- what else would you call the creation of the earth, knowing mankind would sin and ultimately break His heart.

I long for a man who desires to be a man after God’s own heart. A man who is not necessarily safe, but he is good. As a woman, safety is important to me. However, God’s good plan for me overrides my desire for safety. My adventure continues to expand as I seek to follow God even when it doesn’t make sense. It is an amazingly difficult life to live, but the rewards are out of this world! J I hope that God provides an earthly companion to share this adventure with, but I trust that my God is good- regardless.

Peekabo! I See You!

I was a little nervous about my trip to Austria. There were only going to be a few women attending, and my experience on this same trip last year was not very good. I asked several people to pray that it would be positive and that God would "meet me there".

The entire week was amazing. I know that word is tossed around non-chalantly…but it truly was. Around every corner it seemed God had a little surprise waiting for me. I could sense He was wooing me to Himself. How I love to feel wanted and cared for! I did not even realize how tired I was, until He gave me rest. I did not recognize how heavy my heart had become until He caused me to laugh all the way down a mountain. I did not see that I was holding myself back from Him until He presented me with the opportunity to hand Him control of my life…again. He knew my every need before I did and He cared for me boldly.

Toward the end of our retreat, my heart was overflowing with His joy. I was consumed with His amazing love for me, and I was thanking Him for it. That’s when I heard it. It was not a tangible voice, but this clear sense of His voice saying, "Enjoy this refreshment. You’re going to need it, because it is going to get hard." Immediately, I was afraid. What is it, Lord? What’s going to happen? … Then I realized, He said, "Enjoy this refreshment." So, I chose to ignore the nagging sense of sadness and to appreciate the moments of the day at hand. "Do not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow has enough worries of its own.

We arrived home Friday afternoon. Today is Tuesday and I have received three completely different sets of difficult news. At the announcement of the first, I was sad- very sad- but I recognized it was of the Lord. He had prepared my heart. He had reminded me that He prepares the way before me and that He walks the path with me. My heart is heavy with the pain of loss and change. My heart aches for the physical and emotional suffering that God allows to enter our path sometimes. My heart clings to the hope that He is ALL I need.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging…The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Come and see the works of the LORD…Be still, and know that I am God…" Ps. 46:1-3, 7, 10

June- make it or break it

Things are slowly looking up. During the month of May, Sandra and Jan (two ladies from Cadence) came to visit me in Omaha. It was a short visit- but VERY encouraging. We talked about possible support raising strategies, and how I've grown during this past year. My favorite part was we even talked about a short trip to visit Germany! The trip would be to check out the ministry that other women currently have in Germany, and to give me a better idea of what I will be doing there. This will also help me better communicate about the ministry to people here in the States. It seems like a great plan.

I am still praying that God would allow me to go to Germany (for my first term) early fall. June and July will prove to be months where that decision will have to be made. Will you pray that God would provide my financial needs if that indeed is HIS plan for me?

Waiting to see what's around the corner,
Mel

The Chidz of the Fam having a little Par-T on New Years!