mel4mil

Marriage is to Love

2012-02-08T07:00:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I just have a need to write. The thoughts and feelings are just nagging me as I declare to myself that I am just too busy to sit and write. Alas, after weeks of these thoughts, I have finally succumbed to the desire and I sit here at my computer, ready to divulge my heart.

As most of you know, I got married in September. Even today, my husband (Kyle) and I looked at each other and said, "We're married! It still doesn't seem real." Oh, don't get me wrong, there have been moments of reality all right...but, today we are relishing in the fresh life that we have discovered anew. I wish that I had been blogging during those first few months of marriage. All of the transitions and changes were blissful and gut-wrenching. We waited longer than most of our friends to get married, talked through the issues before hand, read the books with deep insight into a happy marriage and STILL, we were caught off-guard. How does one really prepare for sharing their heart, soul, life and laundry completely with another person? How does one prepare to become one?

Marriage is a wonderful institution. Kyle and I deeply love it. We love knowing there will be someone to share the days with, not having to worry about who to take to a party, someone to make you breakfast in the morning (that's one of my favorites), and yet- it is hard. Hard to truly die to self and to put the needs of someone else first, even someone you love dearly. We have learned that selfishness is so much more than just wanting your own way, it can truly suck the living breath right out of a marriage. All of the advice our wise and wonderful friends gave us generally amounted to "It's wonderful and it's hard." We thought we knew what that meant, but we had NO idea. :) All of the advice was correct, but somehow, it just did not communicate the depth of difficulty (or the depth of wonderful, for that matter). Perhaps it's just one of those things that you have to experience for yourself, or maybe it's one of those- everyone has a different experience things...I don't know.

Regardless, we love marriage. For better or for worse. For richer or for poorer. In sickness and in health.

Princesses Don't Sweat

2010-08-26T07:54:00.003-06:00

So, summer is hot. In Germany, without air-conditioning, I'm occasionally reminded of how little I like the heat! This last Sunday as the worship team was frantically scurrying around trying to set up a host of new equipment, we were all sweating up a storm and talking about how hot it was. Afterwards, a girlfriend and I were talking about how gross and sweaty we were and she told me about her days of working at an amusement park. She said, "Princesses are not allowed to sweat." I looked at her laughing and said, "Really? How are you supposed to do that in 100 degree weather and crazy humidity?" She replied, "You wear waterproof makeup and try and stay in the shade." She was SERIOUS! As I sat and pondered the phrase, "Princesses don't sweat.", I immediately felt inferior and twice as ugly as I probably looked, and then it occurred to me...that's exactly the message we are sending women and girls all over the world! Princesses don't sweat, and if they do, they are not worthy of their position. As we talked a little more, she told me how this park will also pay for their employees to get "boob jobs" if they dress as a princess who wears basically a bra. I can't imagine why women feel inferior to these non-sweating, disproportionate women they idolize from a very young age?

The bottom line is I am a Daughter of the King- which makes me a Princess...and guess what- I sweat. :D

Snow Heightens the Imagination

2010-01-25T05:15:00.000-07:00

I stopped mid-step, awed by the beauty. Today as I was exploring the walking path near my new apartment, I found myself staring at the scene, examining each part, and wondering what about it captured my heart. It’s not that it was extraordinarily beautiful, or truly much to wonder over, but I couldn’t help but stare. I’m not sure what it is that captures my hearts sometimes, but I wanted to listen- to be drawn into its beauty. Perhaps it had something to teach me, or there was a part of my heart that longed for something it offered. I imagined myself, quietly standing at the base of the tree, enjoying the peaceful scene and my family inside the nearby house running around, laughing and just living life. I imagined how different my life would be with a family to raise and nurture. I’m sure they are all idyllic thoughts, without much foundation, but it sure was a lovely moment with my imagination.

Kum Bay Ya

2010-01-12T03:51:00.002-07:00

As I continued my reading in Matthew today, I was making note of how Jesus seemed to be “withdrawing” more frequently, or taking time to be alone. I wondered what might have been going through his mind, and thinking about how I need time to myself as well to think and process and pray. Perhaps I am more focused on that topic as today is my “Sabbath”. Anyway, when I got to chapter 17:9-13, Jesus is explaining to his disciples that John the Baptist was the coming of Elijah. At first glance this didn’t really rock my world, but then I realized this was the fulfillment of prophecy, indicating that Jesus’ crucifixion was near at hand. I found myself suddenly not wanting to read anymore. I was struck with the reality that this God-man that I have been identifying with these last sixteen chapters is going to die a cruel and horrific death. He has been leading and teaching these men, who sometimes get it and most of the time don’t. He has been traveling with no real place to call home and some people were incredibly grateful, but many wanted nothing to do with him. He had been giving everything of himself to follow the will of His father, and soon, he will be giving his life- literally. Even though I know what happens at the end, and that he is victorious, I want to share in the pain of what his “today” must have felt like. Each day, each healing, each lesson with the disciples- knowing that THE day of his crucifixion was drawing closer. It’s hard to know how he felt being 100% God and 100% man, but even the night before he prayed that “this cup might be removed from him”…so, it would be fair to assume that he did not want to die. I want to sit with him by the fire, put my arm around him and say, “I’m going to miss you. I know you have to do what you have to do, but I wish you didn’t have to die.” Just for tonight, I want to shed a few tears and share in that pain with him.

And the hits keep on coming...

2010-01-06T08:13:00.003-07:00

I have been loving my journaling Bible! Each day as I read, I write random things I observe or things that come to mind in the lined margins. It's been a great tool that helps me engage a little bit more and is fun to see themes throughout my readings. Today as I was reading Matthew 8-9, I found myself emotionally entangled with the events Jesus was facing. The first 18 verses are people who come to Him for healing, and he does so IMMEDIATELY. The next grouping of verses are some disciples who ask if He could give them a little time to take care of family business, and He says, "No, follow me." Then the next section is the disciples heading across the sea and He calms the storm. The disciples response is "What kind of MAN is this?" Once they cross the sea, He casts some demons into pigs, the townspeople get all worked up about it and BEG Him to leave their region! Whew! That's quite a couple of days!

Jesus had compassion on people and was touched by their faith. I imagine these quiet, deeply personal moments with them as He heals them or their loved ones and they are immensely grateful. He then steps out into the city where He is judged by the Pharisees and other people are constantly talking about His ministry. Then on top of it, some of the very people that He has healed, ignore His request to be quiet and they share their experiences with Jesus across the region.

The last couple of months have been quite emotional for me. There have been a lot of events where I have been concerned that people had misunderstood my motives and that my reputation was questioned by people around me. I don't know if you're anything like me, but when I start feeling like there is whisperings going on about me- I want to stop it and put an end to the rumors...whatever they might be. These chapters were such a good reminder for me. Whatever we face in our lives, Jesus has faced them before (and probably to a much greater degree). He was deeply loved by people, but He was also deeply despised. People questioned His motives and His authority all the time, even in His own hometown. He was rejected by many and even had people BEG Him to leave their region. How disheartening that must have felt.

There are so many times where I feel alone. Alone in ministry or in singleness or life in general, and it is such a wonderful reminder that my Savior and Lord has walked that path before me, and I am truly never alone.

I See You...

2009-12-22T20:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, a small group of singles went to see the movie Avatar. I thoroughly enjoyed my first real 3-D experience! The colors in this movie stimulated my imagination and prompted me to open my eyes to the beautiful world around me even now. I am not writing this to debate the “hidden” or not so hidden messages of this movie, but to share a line that really touched me. It is used multiple times, usually between a man and a woman, but sometimes between rivals. The line is “I see you”, meaning not only do I see you with my physical eyes, I see the core of who you are…the real you. It was a beautiful picture that made me think about the longing we all have to be known- to be really known. It’s one of the reasons I love the line from One Fine Day, where George Clooney’s character says to Michelle Pfeiffer’s character, “I know your name, Mel.” We all long to be seen as more than the shell of who we are, or even our personality. It seems that in the understanding of the line “I see you” is an implied “I love you and accept you as who you truly are”. Who doesn’t want that?

I’ve been reading in I John lately and a verse that I highlighted on Sunday seems to be in a similar vein…4:14, “So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us.” It’s more than just a head knowledge, there’s a connection there. Not long after that in verse 18, it talks about how perfect love casts out all fear. There is no fear in being known and loved. We all build our walls on this physical earth, primarily due to sin and our wounds, but we are known intimately and completely by our Almighty Creator who loves us. Now if we could only believe it.

Full

2009-10-31T08:02:00.001-06:00

This is the word that has described my life these past few months.
Full of joy
Full of sorrow
Full of life
Full of smiles
Full of things to do
Full of opportunities

Full

In the fullness of life, I have missed many opportunities to update you on the awesome things God is doing here in Germany! Some of the highlights have been:

* Moving to a new apartment
* Several temporary cars (as provision until I find a good, permanent one)
* Settling into my "extra" job as co-leader of the Contemporary Worship Team on base
* Saying more "goodbyes" to people transferring to different bases around the world
* Welcoming the Rozmiarek's, the new Kaiserslautern Hospitality House Directors
* Meeting new women at the annual Swiss Hike, hosted by the Navigators
* Going deeper with my Monday night women's group
* Seeing my work account back in the black!
* Several short trips with singles here that allowed me to talk about some "real" things going on in their lives
* My health has stabilized
* The joy of starting braces on my teeth

There are SO many things that have been filling my days and weeks. Just like life anywhere, there are challenges, but I am SO incredibly thankful to God for His amazing provision in health, a car, an apartment, finances, grace to say "goodbye" and "hello", bringing new people into ministry, and causing ministry to flourish despite the challenges of life. It truly brings tears to my eyes as I reflect on how full I am this day! Thank you for being a VITAL part of this ministry and for making it possible to impact the lives of men and women here sacrificing their lives for our freedoms and trying to find Jesus in the midst of it all. Your prayers and sacrifices reach further than you will know this side of Heaven!

A God- Encounter

2009-10-07T12:28:00.002-06:00

So, it has been entirely toooo long since I have posted anything on my blog. Some of that has been the logistics of living without internet connection at my house and some of that has simply been the life I lead these days. However, even though I just finished a 12 hour day- jumping from meeting to meeting- I just had to write about the awesome encounter I had today!
One of my meetings today was with the Chaplain community at Ramstein. I was a little nervous, as I always seem to be with people I view as authority. Anyway, everyone spent a couple of minutes (including the Chaplains) explaining their job and what they do here in Germany. I rambled on, feeling like I did a terrible job of explaining how much I love God and people. Anyway, as I was mentally beating myself up, the current Head Protestant Chaplain comes up to me and says, "As I was listening to you talk, I kept thinking about a girl who I met that is terribly lonely here. She has been involved with some other Chapel events, but they are not really meeting her needs." I asked for her information, and he gladly told me her name and where she works. I was looking forward to following up with her sometime in the near future.
The next task on my calendar was to wash some blankets and bedding at the base laundromat. I had never used the facility before, but thought it would be a good place for me to prepare a Bible study (my next meeting of the day). After I finally found the laundromat, I discovered that it cost $2.25 to do a large load of laundry and the coin machine would not give me change for a $5...so, I had to go find change. I decided to get some lunch at the pizza place around the corner. After I placed my order and got some ones for the machine, a lady leaving the building says, "Hey Mel! It's me, Chandra! How are you?" I sat there going through people in my mind trying to remember exactly where it was that I met her... After we chatted a bit, we decided we would eat our lunches together outside. I finally remembered where I met her, and then I asked her where she worked. As conversation continued, I realized THIS was the SAME woman that the Chaplain had just given me the information for!!! She told me, "Mel, I'm so lonely here. I am just looking for some people to spend time with." I told her I could definitely help her out in that area. :) So, we exchanged numbers and I'm really excited to get to know her better.
It was just an AWESOME reminder to me, that even in the midst of my busiest day in a long time, God had pre-orchestrated the events to help me see that He uses even what I view as my inability to meet the needs of others!

Special Gifts

2009-07-08T15:15:00.002-06:00

As I drove "home" after a long, full day, I enjoyed the deep yellow moon rising over the horizon. It made me smile as it felt like a special gift- just for me! The last month has been filled with challenges for me, and the last couple of days have been such a breath of fresh air. It is as if I have felt the loving arms of my Heavenly Father wrap around me through deep laughter with friends, a gentle breeze that He just knows I adore, the gift of music, and spectacular moments of His indescribable beauty gently stroked across the sky. God, sometimes I forget all the good times we have shared, and I just want to say thank you for reminding me how much I mean to You!

Only in Germany

2009-06-02T02:20:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, I was driving to base to run some errands. While I was driving through the village of Miesenbach, traffic was stopped. There were some pedestrians in the middle of the road holding back all of the cars. Slowly, a tractor started to appear from around the corner. This is not too unusual, but then I realized it was covered in greenery and yellow flowers. As I pulled out my camera, I realized this was a tractor filled with musicians who were traveling around the village playing music! It was the first time I had seen anything like it, but like I said, "Only in Germany"!

Whoda thunk?

2009-05-31T06:56:00.002-06:00

Well, the big news in my life these days is that I have been given a car- FOR FREE! I'm so excited! And the bigger news is that it is a MINIVAN! Never in my unmarried life did I think that I would be the owner of a minivan, but it has turned out to be a great gift. Just a few minutes ago, I returned from lunch with the singles. We were going to a new restaurant, and only a few people knew the location. So, I volunteered to drive. It was so fun! We laughed and listened to funny music like, "Mm-Bop, by Hansen". It has been nicknamed the party van. :)
What a blessing to my soul to reconnect with the single community here- and whoda thunk it would come in the form of a minivan?

Knowing the Shepherd's Voice

2009-05-31T01:37:00.005-06:00

I have been staying with a friend here in Germany, until I find an apt. Her landlord, who lives beyond the small pasture in her backyard, has sheep and a rooster. Growing up in the city, it's been quite funny to me to glance out the window and see these furry sheep (although they recently met the shears).
Well, my friend, Heather, told me that they always bleat more when the shepherd enters their pasture to feed them. So, I have listened and watched, and sure enough, around 5:30pm you will hear an uproar in the field.
A couple of days ago, I was cleaning the house in the middle of the afternoon and there was crazy "BAAAAAA, BAAAAAA, BAAAA" in the backyard. Knowing that it was not feeding time, I looked out the window to see what was going on. The shepherd had entered the pasture and was working on a small shed. I had to smile.
These sheep have brought to mind many Biblical pictures for me. Everytime I go outside, I say, "Hi, little sheepies!" They usually just look up at me, like, "Who are you talking to?" and then continue to eat their tasty grass. They never "Baaaaa" for me! That is because they know their Shepherd and his voice.

Music in the Silence

2009-05-20T01:32:00.001-06:00

Last week I was sitting in the living room of my friend's house, when all of the sudden I heard hymns being sung. I sat there trying to recognize the refrain, and realized it was being sung in German. I looked out the window, and there walked a single-file line of people in robes singing hymns as they were walking through the nearby field. It was like a modern-day scene from Lord of the Rings! I found out later that it was in honor of another German holiday, Ascension Day.

Cadence Video

2009-05-07T03:10:00.000-06:00

Joining forces in military ministry: Partnerships from Cadence International on Vimeo.

Here I am

2009-05-06T04:06:00.003-06:00

One week ago, I returned to Germany for another two-year term ministering to military women. All went well with the flight, although it seemed like the longest flight ever...I guess multiple hours cramped in a small area next to someone you don't know will do that to you! Anyway, after 30+ hours, I finally got some sleep. Even though I've been here a week already, it is still hard to believe that I am actually here! It has truly been a leap of faith, as there is still support to be raised.

Everything has not been easy since I arrived either. Several days after arriving, I actually made a trip to the Emergency Room. I have been having pain on both sides. Long story short, they have run multiple tests, and discovered that I have an enlarged spleen and liver. The Dr's really have no explanation for the pain, because apparently it is not too uncommon to have enlarged organs. So, I am trying to find an internist. A funny story about my visit to the E.R. They were trying to draw some blood, and I quickly told the nurse that they usually have a hard time finding my veins. She immediately handed over the needle to the DR. As the Dr, who spoke great English, was flicking my arm and hand trying to find a good vein, he said, "Wow. It is so unusual for someone so young to have such small weens." If he didn't have a needle in my arm, I think I would have burst out laughing. Ahh- the joys of living in another country. :)

Another kink in the plans has been the vehicle that was going to be loaned to me...well, the transmission died. Truthfully, I'm glad it was not in my hands when that happened, but it has sped up the search for a vehicle. Currently, I do not have the funds for a vehicle in my work account...so, this is yet another need.

I have truly seen God's hand at work in bringing me to Germany in His timing. All of these "issues" are not a surprise to God. It can be frustrating at times, but it has been fun to see how God has provided and I know He will continue to do so.

Foolish Faith

2009-03-24T10:00:00.001-06:00

I arrived in Phoenix, AZ last night a little later than I had planned. There was snow in Utah and when I arrived in Kingman, AZ, a gentleman pointed out that my tire was low. A long story short, I ended up replacing the tires on the Jeep. It just seemed wise to make sure that I was safe for the remainder of the trip.
This morning as I read in Proverbs and journaled a bit, I prayed about the reality of 35 days away. My ticket to return to Germany is April 28~ and there is still $1000 in monthly support to come in. Living by faith sometimes feels very foolish…plodding ahead, planning to get on that plane- even though there is a lot of money yet to come in. One of my favorite quotes from a book called “The Journey of Victorious Prayer” is, “…sometimes God uses prayer to purify our desires. To make sure that our desires are not to make us appear successful, but to truly honor Him.”
I don’t know if God’s plan IS to provide that money, but one of the definitions I have learned of faith is “To live as if what is unseen, is seen”. So, I continue to live as a fool, believing that despite the result, God will be honored.

Washington State- Is it named after George?

2009-03-16T22:27:00.008-06:00

So, yes, the title of this blog is indeed something I've been pondering as I drove through the state seeing random things named "George". Wow, I can be pretty slow sometimes. :)
The state of Washington is intense in it's terrain and it's weather. I have been held up several times with the weather, and even missed getting together with my step-brother near the Canadian border! Major bummer.
One of the highlights so far have been to visit with Christi and her family. Christi and I worked together at Grace University, in Omaha, NE. It was so fun to talk about what God has been doing in our lives these last few years. While we were chatting about Germany, Christi got her photo book out. She and her husband visited Europe a few years ago, and near the front of her album was Kottweiler- a village right near the area I've been living. In fact, she had pictures of a church located around the corner from the gal who is storing my things for me while I'm in the states! The world just keeps getting smaller.

So, here are a few of the photos of Washington:

Christi & I

Some mean looking clouds...

Another highlight was visiting a life-size replica of Stonehenge!

The Washington landscape- before the snow. This is the Columbia River...one of my favorite landscapes in WA.

Prayers Answered on the Road

2009-03-12T21:34:00.005-06:00

First- I want to say a big "THANK YOU" to the many of you who have been praying for me during my travels. Keep it up, because God has been answering prayers... especially ones regarding the car and weather!

I have been incredibly blessed thus far regarding the weather. I have only had one afternoon of driving in the rain (which was actually a blessing since I was driving in NYC traffic- slow was good!). I had one day where I decided not to drive because of weather, but almost every day I've been on the road so far has been sunny!

The car has been running great! I've had two oil changes already (that's a lot of miles!), and nothing other than filling it with gas. I have always found gas under $2 per gallon...so, God is taking care of me.

Another really fun thing has been the places that I've been able to stay. There have been a lot of neat provisions that way, and I've met some great people!!! On the nights that I haven't been able to stay with someone in town, I've been quite impressed with Priceline offers. There have been at least two really sweet deals at really nice hotels. I love how God provides even in little things like an awesome hotel room at a great price!

I have had only a couple of new supporters, but I continue to pray that God will lay it on the heart of those He wants to be a part of this ministry team. I realize that I am slated to get on a plane to Germany in less than 7 very short weeks! "For with God- nothing is impossible!" - Luke 1:37

THANKS so much for your prayers!

It's A Blizzard!

2009-03-10T19:19:00.004-06:00

As to be expected when planning a road trip in March to the Northern states or Minnesota and North Dakota, there's the possibility of snow. Well, I arrived in Minnesota just in time for the "blizzard". Due to weather warnings, I decided to cancel one meeting and reschedule several others. So, today I enjoyed a day of rest, waiting for the snow. I don't know if there will be more snow- or we just got the light end of it, but it did not seem too bad here. We'll see how bad the roads really are as I travel around Minnesota and South Dakota tomorrow.

Catastrophe around every corner...

2009-02-27T22:04:00.004-07:00

My time back in the States has been interesting to say the least...As I have retold various experiences to people while I've been on the road...it seems as if there is catastrophe around every corner!
Visit #1: Nebraska- The day I landed in the States, my stepmom's Dad had a stroke.
Visit #2: Colorado- I drove into the mountains and the car would not shift from 1st to 2nd gear.
Visit #3: Indiana- As I visited my brother and his family, they all enjoyed the latest round of stomach flu going around.
Visit #4: Chicago- After getting caught up with a friend, I fell down marble stairs and severely twisted my ankle and jacked up my shoulder.
Visit #5: Kansas- nothing traumatic here- whew!
Visit #6: Virginia- Canoeing in February was not my brightest decision ever, but of course we did not come to this conclusion until after we almost drowned in the icy waters.
Visit #7: West Virginia- My host develops severe mouth pain where it is painful to talk.

So, as you can see...things have been quite interesting here.

Truthfully, I have had some wonderful, obviously God-ordained meetings!

In Omaha, I met some incredible people- here's a little shout-out to the Bobbleheads! They are a small group from my sending church that were so loving and hilarious. :) AND I also met a man who was deployed with one of the gals from Germany. He just "happened" to be in a protestant church (he is catholic) on THE only Sunday that I "happened" to be available to share at this church. Pretty cool!
In Indiana, I had the opportunity to connect with a small group that has been supporting me for the past few months. It was an emotional time as I shared about my love for the people in Germany and how they have impacted my life- as well as what God is doing there.
In Chicago, I enjoyed listening to the life of my friend there, who has been in a relationship with an Army guy. It was amazing how much I could understand about her life because of my experience with the military these last two years.
In West Virgina, we watched a movie called "The Secret Life of Bees". I won't go into a lot of details, but it ministered to a deep part of my soul.
After a quick lunch in Harrisburg with a friend, I decided to make a quick stop in Hershey, PA. I had always wanted to visit the Hershey factory, and it was only 7 miles off of my route. I meandered around the museum, and decided to pick up a treat at the cafe, a treat for my next hosts. As I was scouring the menu, I started up a conversation with the cashier. Come to find out, she had been living in Germany for the last few months and was hoping to return soon. She lived in Trier, only about an hour from where I lived. So, we exchanged emails. Who knows what God will do with that, but it was too "random" to ignore.
In Pennsylvania, I shared with a church who has been supporting me with prayer for about two years now. They are a small, rural church who spend a lot of time praying their daily and weekly needs. It was humbling to be there to share my needs. Yet, this was the place where I had received the most financial help yet on my trip! I had a lady who has nothing (literally living with friends) hand me a check for $100. I also had coffee with the Secretary of the Missions Committee. We both cried as we shared about our past experiences on the mission field, and talked about what an AMAZING God we serve. This God is after our hearts and our faith- NOT our resources. It's never really about the money.

Although this trip has had challenges, I do not doubt that God has fore-ordained meetings with people. He has "prepared in advance" the way before me. Step by step, I'm learning to trust Him in deeper and more relevant ways.

My First Podcast Interview

2009-02-17T09:32:00.003-07:00

Jill Hart, a woman I went to college with is one of the hosts for a Blog Talk Radio Show, as well as the founder of CWAHM (Christian Work At Home Moms). http://cwahm.com/wordpress/

Her and her co-host Dianna Ennen graciously invited me to share about my ministry with Cadence International. I was soooo nervous, but you can check out her website and even find the link to my interview at: http://blogtalkradio.com/cwahm.

Money=Fear? Another lesson on faith

2009-02-15T14:50:00.001-07:00

Last week I was sharing about Cadence with a Sunday School class in Fort Wayne, Indiana. It was the first time in quite a while where I had the full hour to share what God is doing in the lives of women in Germany. I was a little nervous, as I think anyone speaking in front of people should be, but as the stories began to flow about the women I know in Germany and how God has proven Himself faithful...I sensed my heart begin to calm.

As a missionary of a faith-based organization, I am required to raise my own support to sustain ministry and life in Germany. There have been many challenges, often related to finances, but God has been incredibly faithful. Stories of amazing provision at just the right moment; stories that remind me that it is really NOT about the money, but whether or not I serve a faithful God.

I have a return ticket to head back to Germany on April 28th. I also have around $2500 of additional monthly support that must be raised in order for me to return on that plane. As I listen to the radio, the TV, people at the supermarket, even my pastor talk about the economic crisis and how we must all tighten our belts for the current times- my heart begins to fill with fear. Where in the world will this money come from? I am fortunate enough to have my current supporters stay with me- let alone additional supporters to join me. Such was the state of my heart and mind as I tried to focus on the sermon this Sunday morning.

We have been studying the book of Hebrews and talking about faith. The sermons have been incredibly applicable to this stage of my life. As we started reading Chapter 13, I sensed God saying, "Melissa, this is for you. Take heart."

13: 5-6, Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.' So we can confidently say, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?'

Fear is often associated with money, especially these days. However, God presence is always with us and He is the One who has given us everything we have and everything we need.

13:20-22, "Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

I have NO idea how God is going to provide the finances needed for me to return to Germany, but I trust that His plan is perfect and that He will be with me through it all, because His Word says so.

People-People-People

2009-02-03T19:21:00.000-07:00

Tonight is one of those nights where I’m deep in thought about who I am and who I’ve become. I’m sure some of this is due to a conversation I just had with one of my friends here who is also a professional counselor. Tonight we talked about my strengths, my gifts and in general- who I am. Without a doubt- I’m a people person. Everything in my life seems to revolve around loving people, being with them, empathizing with them, looking for ways to include others and to help them see areas of growth. I like to help other people understand themselves better and to see how they can grow as individuals. I like people.

As much as I love people, I also need time and privacy to process and re-energize. That’s one of the reasons I’m looking forward to being on the road soon. I have time by myself to think, cry, and pray while I’m driving, and then I get to stay up late talking with people about what God is doing in their lives.

I know we’re always at different places in our growth. We’re changing, growing, morphing into the people God has made us to be. How often do you ask yourself- “Who am I? Who am I becoming? Or Who has God made me to be?” I recognize it is not always good to be self-focused, but I have found it is a lot more difficult to help others when you don’t understand who you are first.

My musings for the evening.

Hitting the Road

2009-01-21T15:21:00.002-07:00

Tomorrow I head out the door in the direction of Denver, Colorado!
I'm looking forward to seeing friends and family. If you think of it- please pray for safety and a peaceful time on the road.

The Dumbest Question I've Heard Today

2009-01-06T17:31:00.000-07:00

I was visiting my local library today in search of some peace and quiet. A library is a place where you expect knowledgeable, intelligent people- right? Here's how the conversation went:

Me: I'd like to check out a book, but I don't have my library card.
Library Lady: That's fine. I just need your ID and current address.
(I give it to her.)
Library Lady: It looks like you have a $10 fine on your account from August 2006. Would you like to pay it now?
Me: I'm pretty sure I paid all of my accounts before I left the country, but of course, I can't verify that.
Library Lady: Well, do you have the receipt?

*Point 1- I just stated that I can't verify that.
* Point 2- The fine was from August 2006. I am not even required by law to keep my paycheck stubs for longer than a year! Who in the world would keep a library fine receipt? Let alone in their wallet for the last 3 years?

Seriously, one of the dumbest questions, EVER!

Signs that I'm back in America...

2009-01-05T15:23:00.005-07:00

Business are open 24 hours a day
Gas prices can change ANYTIME
Customer service
An exagerated sense of entitlement
People rarely smile
Everyone is in a hurry
Free refills
Ice in my beverages
When a waiter sees a lemon in my glass, he assumes it's water- not soda
Signs are only in one language
I can turn right at a red light
I don't have to pay to go to the bathroom
Public bathrooms are filthy!
People driving pass you on the right without hesitation
Drivers honk their horns when they're unhappy

Testimony of faithfulness

2009-01-04T18:02:00.002-07:00

The last couple of weeks have not been the easiest for me. I said goodbye to some very dear friends in Germany and I reentered the US of A. America has caught me off guard in a few things: things like customer service, places being open 24 hours a day, a whole aisle in Wal-Mart for just salad dressing, an unbelievable sense of entitlement, people always being in a hurry and rarely smiling- just because. Some people would say I’m experiencing reverse culture shock.

The whole thing has been quite bizarre to me, as I did not feel like I experienced a lot of culture shock when I went to . There were a few things: having six trash cans for recycling, no customer service skills whatsoever, driving at a quick clip down the autobahn, etc. However, none of these cultural things felt too extreme.

There have been a lot of changes for me since I arrived back in the states. When I landed, we found out that my stepmom’s Dad had suffered a stroke- he is now living with us in my old room. I also had the privilege of participating in one of my best friends weddings…I am now one of the only unmarried from our group of friends. I’ve gone from being surrounded with 50-75 people every Friday night and having a built-in social group to next to no social life. It’s a big change.

I admit that I haven’t handled it very well at all. I have felt incredibly alone and not sure how to be this “spiritual missionary” and admit that I didn’t know how to handle all of this pressure. I know the “right” answer is to give it up to God…but HOW do I do that practically?

It began last night, with a simple admission in prayer that I can’t do this on my own. This morning in church we talked about God’s faithfulness. As I sang the line, “All I have needed, Thy hand hath provided.” I thought about how God HAS provided everything I need. He has given me a roof over my head, a vehicle (for free), wonderful friends, a family that lets me live with them…He is good. Then the sermon was on Joshua 4 where the Israelites built a memorial of stones to remind the generations to come of God’s faithfulness. When they looked at the stones they remembered how God parted the waters, protected them from the enemy, and walked them into the Promised Land. It got me to thinking, what would the stones in my life represent? What are the tangible ways that I have seen God’s faithfulness? I’m not sure how I’m going to “memorialize” my list, but I think it’s a great perspective to take- especially as I look at all the changes ahead of me. Thank you to those of you who have and are praying for me through this all. I believe this change of heart and mind is directly linked to your prayers!

Don’t worry; this isn’t the end of our conversation on faith and faithfulness…
I’d like to know, how would you set a memorial of God’s faithfulness in your life?

RUDE- is a four letter word!

2008-10-08T14:15:00.000-06:00

I rarely use my blog as a place to whine, but today is the day! I claim Nebraska as home and one of the jokes about Nebraska is the orange cone is the state tree. So, coming from a place where we are quite familiar with construction- I have a few observations.

No one enjoys construction. It is a nuisance and can be quite aggravating, especially when you are in a time crunch. However, I think if we are old enough to drive, we SHOULD be old enough to realize that this is one of the downsides to transportation. Just like it really stinks to have to put money into maintaining your car, but that is part of the price you pay to own a vehicle and have the freedom to drive to and fro. So, recognizing that we ALL have to endure construction, why do people have to be SO rude while trying to navigate through it?!?!

This is my 1 pet peeve in driving!!! You're driving on a road that has two lanes, but everyone knows that in about 600 feet, it will merge into one lane. So, what does everyone do? They all get in the left lane and try to merge into traffic at the front of the line. OK- first off- isn't this something we all learned in Kindergarten? TAKE YOUR TURN! Second, is everyone so selfish that they neglect to see that this actually impedes movement for everyone? Not just the people at the back of the line. It drives me NUTS!!!

My solution: I think whenever this is the situation in construction. They should block the whole lane leading up to it. There should not be the ability to merge, and for those who want to try and do it anyway- they should have a nifty little turn-around lane that sends them completely to the back of all the traffic! That'll teach 'em!

I once experienced a semi-truck who blocked the other lane and forced everyone to get over and take their turn like everyone else. I kid you not- I sat in my car and cheered him on!!! I LOVE IOWA truck drivers. It takes a lot of integrity to do the right thing- even when you're in a hurry. So, the next time you think about taking the "quick" route and merging from the left lane- think about all the other people who are doing the right thing and waiting their turn. Is it too much to ask people to grow up and drive with integrity?

That's it for me- over and out.

Painting Pictures of Egypt

2008-08-12T10:30:00.000-06:00

Have you ever thought about how much your life has changed- just in the past five years? The last few months have been personally quite discouraging for me, and I've been stewing on how I have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm headed. Today I've been quite focused on updating my email lists and address book, etc. Anyway, as I was looking over names I haven't thought about in a while, my screen saver was scrolling pictures from the last five years. I would casually look up and think about where each picture was taken- Colorado, Indiana, Nebraska, France, Rome, Austria, Switzerland. Good grief! Sometimes I forget how different my life was only two years ago. Here I am discouraged about why I'm here in Germany and then I reflect on all of the amazing opportunities I've had here. I never EVER thought I would visit Europe- let alone live here. We were lucky to take family vacations.

I am thankful for the opportunities that I have had here in Germany, and yet I realize that I am different. I'm not the same person I used to be. I love a Sara Grove's song that encapsulates my thoughts these days. My favorite line from her song, "Painting Pictures of Egypt" is "But the places that used to fit me, Cannot hold the things I've learned". I realize that even if I were to head home and try to reengage the life I once had there- it wouldn't work. I don't fit there anymore.

Here are the all the lyrics from this song:

I don't want to leave here
I don't want to stay
It feels like pinching to me
Either way
And the places I long for the most
Are the places where I've been
They are calling out to me
Like a long lost friend

It's not about losing faith
It's not about trust
It's all about comfortable
When you move so much
And the place I was wasn't perfect
But I had found a way to live
And it wasn't milk or honey
But then neither is this

I've been painting pictures of Egypt,
I've been leaving out what it lacks
The future feels so hard,
And I wanna go back!
But the places that used to fit me,
Cannot hold the things I've learned
Those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned!

The past is so tangible
I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy
To discard
I was dying for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go
I am caught between the Promise
And the things I know

I've been painting pictures of Egypt,
I've been leaving out what it lacks
The future feels so hard,
And I wanna go back!
But the places that used to fit me,
Cannot hold the things I've learned
Those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned!

If it comes to quick
I may not appreciate it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
And if it comes to quick
I may not recognize it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?

Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head...

2008-05-15T21:28:00.000-06:00

As a current resident of Germany, I hear a lot about the weather. The last couple of weeks, we have had a LOT of sunshine and it's amazing how it affects people's moods. I enjoy the sun as much as the next person, but today I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face as I drove through huge drops of rain!

The last couple of weeks have been uber-stressful for me. I won't go into detail because it's truly irrelevant. Suffice it to say, I no longer burst into tears when someone asks the penetrating question, "How are you today?". Anyway, I have been so frustrated this week with deadlines and a workload that simply felt out of control. Today, just as I signed the dotted line, completing one of my biggest deadlines, huge drops of rain began to fall from the sky. I felt such relief in finally being free of this project, and it was almost as if the weather changed to match my sense of relief. I know that God rarely causes the weather to change just for my pleasure, but I must admit there are times where I feel He communicates to me in little things like rain. It's so hard to explain, but those drops were refreshing to my soul. I know the heat of life will continue to beat down on me, but just when I think I can't take it any more, He will send refreshing drops to satisfy me. I know that rain is often thought of as gloomy weather (and after weeks of it- I would agree), but today, raindrops were beautiful words of healing from a Father who loves me.

The Lion Speaks Again

2008-04-08T02:34:00.000-06:00

"Are you a tame lion?" she asks. Aslan responds, "No, but I am good."

–Chronicles of Narnia

This quote from the Chronicles of Narnia is one that has been pivotal to me in the last few months. Each time I find myself in a position that is difficult or unexpected, I am reminded of how my God is fierce, powerful and good.

Today I had a conversation with a friend of mine in the States. We talk once a month about the big things in our lives and just try to encourage one another through it all. I was telling her about my current stressors which were beginning to feel like they were spiraling out of control. My mouth was talking about wanting to trust God with it, but my heart was fearful and unsure. She shared her current stressors as well and we both just sat quietly, contemplating the chaos we call our lives. We were about ready to say goodbye when out of nowhere she says, "I've had this phrase from Chronicles of Narnia buzzing through my head this whole conversation. 'He's not a tame lion.'" It really didn't fit in the conversation at all, but I instantly started crying. I told her about how pivotal that phrase had been in my life the last two months. How they had been a mantra of sorts, reminding me that God is in control. Although I don't believe those words were from her, the message could not have been any more clear to me.

"Melissa, I am not tame, but I am good. I have this situation under control, and I will take care of you."

I have NO idea how God is going to work out these complicated situations in my life, but no matter what happens- He is totally and completely trustworthy. I know this full well.

Wild At Heart: My Thoughts

2008-03-18T23:31:00.000-06:00

I started reading this book with the idea that it would help me understand the men in my life. However, I was greatly surprised at some of the personal applications I discovered as well. It never occurred to me that when a woman is seeking to understand the heart of a man, her heart is intrinsically linked to that understanding.

As I read the first chapter, I found myself thinking, "Yeah! That’s the kind of man I want to commit to. A man who is not afraid to follow God without abandon. Someone who is not passive and totally safe, but gets a huge smile on his face when he has climbed the mountain, shot the deer, or has accomplished whatever crazy adventure he has set out to do. A man who is honest about his desires and seeks to pursue God- whatever the cost.

While I contemplated the man of chapter 1 who is not totally safe, I started to recognize the fear in my heart. I don’t know if I can trust a man who is not totally safe. I like this quote from page 83, "Yes, a man is a dangerous thing. So is a scalpel. It can wound or it can save your life. You don’t make it safe by making it dull, you put it in the hands of someone who knows what he’s doing." For me, and I would guess for most women, there is a tension between desiring security and longing for adventure.

How can a man make a woman feel secure while still being adventurous? Adventure is not safe- that’s part of the definition. I always understood that if you were on an adventure, you were doing something you were not supposed to be doing, or you are being unsafe. Like Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, every time they were having an adventure…they got into trouble. So, it is possible to be a woman who feels safe while being with a man who is pursuing his adventure?

It reminds me of a quote from "Chronicles of Narnia" where Lucy is trying to discern what kind of lion Aslan is. "Are you a tame lion?" she asks. Aslan responds, "No, but I am good." There is a healthy fear as you are in the presence of Aslan- he is a lion, after all. However, the heart of Aslan is not to harm you- but to bring you good. Despite the fear that the presence of Aslan produces, there is a safety in His goodness. A safety I still cannot describe…but I know no other word for it.

As I look back over the subjects that have captured my heart while reading this book, I ask myself if it is really a man that I am drawn to- or is it the heart of God placed in the heart of man. I know that a man will never fully meet my needs- so, I must be looking to my Creator, who knows me better than I know myself, to meet my deepest needs.

This book has helped me better understand the men in my life, especially my Dad and my brothers. Understanding the words they needed to hear from their fathers and why certain memories continue to haunt them to this day. Learning that their desire has been to know if they have what it takes to be a "real man", to be the provider for their family and to love their wives the way they need to be loved. To understand why sitting at a desk all day can corrode the heart and soul of a man.

This book has also given me a glimpse into the heart of God. He is wild and untamed: He created the jungles, the wilderness, fierce animals and landscape. God is a risk-taker- what else would you call the creation of the earth, knowing mankind would sin and ultimately break His heart.

I long for a man who desires to be a man after God’s own heart. A man who is not necessarily safe, but he is good. As a woman, safety is important to me. However, God’s good plan for me overrides my desire for safety. My adventure continues to expand as I seek to follow God even when it doesn’t make sense. It is an amazingly difficult life to live, but the rewards are out of this world! J I hope that God provides an earthly companion to share this adventure with, but I trust that my God is good- regardless.

Peekabo! I See You!

2008-03-18T23:01:00.001-06:00

I was a little nervous about my trip to Austria. There were only going to be a few women attending, and my experience on this same trip last year was not very good. I asked several people to pray that it would be positive and that God would "meet me there".

The entire week was amazing. I know that word is tossed around non-chalantly…but it truly was. Around every corner it seemed God had a little surprise waiting for me. I could sense He was wooing me to Himself. How I love to feel wanted and cared for! I did not even realize how tired I was, until He gave me rest. I did not recognize how heavy my heart had become until He caused me to laugh all the way down a mountain. I did not see that I was holding myself back from Him until He presented me with the opportunity to hand Him control of my life…again. He knew my every need before I did and He cared for me boldly.

Toward the end of our retreat, my heart was overflowing with His joy. I was consumed with His amazing love for me, and I was thanking Him for it. That’s when I heard it. It was not a tangible voice, but this clear sense of His voice saying, "Enjoy this refreshment. You’re going to need it, because it is going to get hard." Immediately, I was afraid. What is it, Lord? What’s going to happen? … Then I realized, He said, "Enjoy this refreshment." So, I chose to ignore the nagging sense of sadness and to appreciate the moments of the day at hand. "Do not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow has enough worries of its own.

We arrived home Friday afternoon. Today is Tuesday and I have received three completely different sets of difficult news. At the announcement of the first, I was sad- very sad- but I recognized it was of the Lord. He had prepared my heart. He had reminded me that He prepares the way before me and that He walks the path with me. My heart is heavy with the pain of loss and change. My heart aches for the physical and emotional suffering that God allows to enter our path sometimes. My heart clings to the hope that He is ALL I need.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging…The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Come and see the works of the LORD…Be still, and know that I am God…" Ps. 46:1-3, 7, 10

June- make it or break it

2005-05-31T14:38:00.000-06:00

Things are slowly looking up. During the month of May, Sandra and Jan (two ladies from Cadence) came to visit me in Omaha. It was a short visit- but VERY encouraging. We talked about possible support raising strategies, and how I've grown during this past year. My favorite part was we even talked about a short trip to visit Germany! The trip would be to check out the ministry that other women currently have in Germany, and to give me a better idea of what I will be doing there. This will also help me better communicate about the ministry to people here in the States. It seems like a great plan.

I am still praying that God would allow me to go to Germany (for my first term) early fall. June and July will prove to be months where that decision will have to be made. Will you pray that God would provide my financial needs if that indeed is HIS plan for me?

Waiting to see what's around the corner,
Mel

2005-01-01T13:01:00.000-07:00

The Chidz of the Fam having a little Par-T on New Years!